so, thursday, we made peace with the fact that we didn’t want dad to be in any more pain, so they took the breathing thing off him, turned off the antibiotics and stuff, and we figured he’d be gone soon. thursday evening they moved him to a very nice “comfort care,” ie “about to die” room.
friday morning, he was awake, alert, said he was ready to go home. what!!!??? really???!!!! how was this even possible???!!! he made me write “water” on one cup and “iced tea” on another, and i gave him some of each intermittently throughout the afternoon. mom bought him a steak n shake chocolate shake, and he had a few spoonfuls.
he still had the tube in his nose, sucking stuff out of his stomach, but the doctor seemed genuinely hopeful about his seemingly remarkable change, and said that on saturday they’d clamp the tube and try to give him something substantial to eat, and if he did ok, they’d take out the damn tube. he also still had the tube in his chest, where they’d made the hole. the doctor also had us set up an appointment with hospice on monday, to see about getting him the hell outta there.
mom had spent the night friday, and on saturday morning she said he was very unresponsive.
i hoped that this was a minor setback, but continued to steel myself for the worst.
randy and i went to the art fair on saturday and it was nice to be out and about, although it also made me sad, thinking about the years that dad had been in the art fair. one time it was during my birthday, and mom and dad bought me a cool clay banana split, and i’ve managed to not break/lose it for all these years.
so it was nice to be there, but also i was just so anxious, and then, finally, jim called to say that they’d done an x-ray and found a “mucous plug” in his lung, which was constricting his breathing, and they couldn’t operate on it, of course. so, the end was coming, for real this time.
we agreed that they should take the damn nose thing out, and the chest tube, so he wouldn’t be uncomfortable.
they did it at 2:30, and said he could be gone in 10 minutes or two days.
we sat around for a while, and then amy and jim decided to go home for a while.
after two hours, he started going. i have to say that i am very glad that i was there, to see that he went so quietly and peacefully.
kevin was with mom and me, and he kept checking dad’s pulse as his breathing kept slowing more and more, and we thought he must be gone, and he quickly started to look like he was gone, but then his heart kept beating, but then, gone.
this morning i got up, we took mollie for a walk, and i decided i needed to transplant some hostas and ferns that were in the wrong spots. kevin helped me a lot, because he’s way stronger.
i was glad to be outside, but then i came in and read many nice condolences from people on facebook and this made me really sad again.
today i wish they would have taken that damn breathing thing off his face sooner, i wish they wouldn’t have poked that needle into his chest that made his lung collapse…but i know none of that matters now.
at least we had the one good day.
at least he never has to go back to the damn hospital again.