after writing stuff on this site since may of 2004, almost FOURTEEN YEARS, i’ve finally come up with an “about me!”  yaaaay for me!   so try to take a moment to read it, but only if you feel like it.

i’m feeling excited about things today, because i gave another “gracetalk” last wednesday, and then on thursday morning i thought about it and had an epiphany.  i don’t have epiphanies very often, and if/when i do, i usually forget them or sink back into my general inertia about things.  but i have a good feeling that maybe this time it’ll stick, because i’m still enthused and it’s been three whole days already, a long time for me.

after i did my very first gracetalk, way back in 2004 (that was really a monumental year for me, i suddenly realize), i was enthusiastic about doing them, and did another two right after that.  but then i didn’t do another til new year’s eve of 2006, and then i waited til new year’s eve 2012!  a six-year break.  hmm, not so great…and then i did another one new year’s eve 2013.  i did one more in april 2015, i’m pretty sure, but it was a talk for a women’s event called “girls’ night out” and i didn’t call it “gracetalk,” but i still talked a lot.

when i was in the second iteration of  performing in the hilarious play”dixie swim club,” this on at new salem in the summer of 2016, a woman e-mailed me, asking if i’d talk at a meeting of her group, the petersburg women’s club.  she said they were booked for all of 2016/17, but was i interested in doing one in 2018?  and i thought, gee, that’s a million year away, but i agreed.  then last july she wrote to me again, and we set the date, march 7th, 2018, once again this seemed like such a long time.  last august i had to come up with a title, and i chose “a walk on the wild side: a grand hiking adventure in wales in ireland.”

and that’s all i did about it until january, as far as i recall.  and then it was OH NO I’D BETTER GET TO WORK!  as i started to write i quickly realized that there was no way i could tell the story of our trip in the 30 alloted minutes, so i pared it down.

and here’s where the epiphany comes – i memorized all the other gracetalks, which caused me a great deal of stress and worrying and anxiousness.  trying to remember all that stuff, it took a toll and i think that’s partly why i took those long breaks in between.  that and my lack of motivation.  but this time, i decided i’d read it.  i rehearsed a few times and felt pretty confident.  i was a little concerned that people would be bothered by the reading, but i think i made it seem like i wasn’t nervous (i was more nervous than i thought i’d be), and they were entertained and laughed and stuff.

so i got up too early the next morning, thursday, and it suddenly struck me that THIS IS WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING.

last summer i did this “storytellers guild” thing with my friend erica, who is wise beyond her years and has created this interesting guild, but the great thing i got from that was reading stuff instead of memorizing it.

when i did my very first gracetalk, my friend phil helped me and thought of it as a one-woman show, but then i by the time i did it, he felt it was really stand-up comedy.

but now, i feel that i can continue forward cause i don’t have that burden of all the memorizing.  stand-up comics always memorize their material, but they’re always honing it and doing it over and over and over again.  that’s not what i want to do; part of the joy for me is to write, and there’s so much i want to write/ should have written, that i don’t want to do one thing over and over.  i kind of think it’s more like the late, great Spaulding Grey, who performed autobiographical monologues.  i went to see him in Pasadena, in a big auditorium to a packed house.  he just read from his notebooks, but his stories about himself were engaging and funny.  so i think that’s more like what i want to be.

except i’ll continue to have photos, plus videos – i created some videos for most of the “gracetalks,” which was fun, but i can also use videos i’ve already shot.

maybe down the road i’ll do some of the talks more often and will want to memorize them, but like i said, huge breakthrough, no burden of memorizing.

mom, kevin and i went to an early dinner after the talk on wednesday, and kevin’s idea was that i should approach the Queen Mary II and see if i can be a speaker, since i talked a little about sailing on the ship.  I think that’s just a tiny bit unattainable right now, but so that can be my long-term goal.

my immediate short-term goal, beside writing more stuff, is that i want to be comfortable stopping to take a drink of water during a talk.  i know i did this in previous talks, but on wednesday i suddenly got incredibly parched.  kevin had supplied me with a great music stand with an attached water bottle holder, and i had planned to use it, but then i panicked and didn’t know when i could possibly stop.  i did manage to open the bottle at some point, but then i never took a drink and managed to complete the talk without coughing.

so…short term-goal, drink water.  long-term goal, perform on the QM II.

and right now, lots of work to do…

ok then,

mrs. empowered at least for the moment hughes.