after writing stuff on this site since may of 2004, almost FOURTEEN YEARS, i’ve finally come up with an “about me!” yaaaay for me! so try to take a moment to read it, but only if you feel like it.
i’m feeling excited about things today, because i gave another “gracetalk” last wednesday, and then on thursday morning i thought about it and had an epiphany. i don’t have epiphanies very often, and if/when i do, i usually forget them or sink back into my general inertia about things. but i have a good feeling that maybe this time it’ll stick, because i’m still enthused and it’s been three whole days already, a long time for me.
after i did my very first gracetalk, way back in 2004 (that was really a monumental year for me, i suddenly realize), i was enthusiastic about doing them, and did another two right after that. but then i didn’t do another til new year’s eve of 2006, and then i waited til new year’s eve 2012! a six-year break. hmm, not so great…and then i did another one new year’s eve 2013. i did one more in april 2015, i’m pretty sure, but it was a talk for a women’s event called “girls’ night out” and i didn’t call it “gracetalk,” but i still talked a lot.
when i was in the second iteration of performing in the hilarious play”dixie swim club,” this on at new salem in the summer of 2016, a woman e-mailed me, asking if i’d talk at a meeting of her group, the petersburg women’s club. she said they were booked for all of 2016/17, but was i interested in doing one in 2018? and i thought, gee, that’s a million year away, but i agreed. then last july she wrote to me again, and we set the date, march 7th, 2018, once again this seemed like such a long time. last august i had to come up with a title, and i chose “a walk on the wild side: a grand hiking adventure in wales in ireland.”
and that’s all i did about it until january, as far as i recall. and then it was OH NO I’D BETTER GET TO WORK! as i started to write i quickly realized that there was no way i could tell the story of our trip in the 30 alloted minutes, so i pared it down.
and here’s where the epiphany comes – i memorized all the other gracetalks, which caused me a great deal of stress and worrying and anxiousness. trying to remember all that stuff, it took a toll and i think that’s partly why i took those long breaks in between. that and my lack of motivation. but this time, i decided i’d read it. i rehearsed a few times and felt pretty confident. i was a little concerned that people would be bothered by the reading, but i think i made it seem like i wasn’t nervous (i was more nervous than i thought i’d be), and they were entertained and laughed and stuff.
so i got up too early the next morning, thursday, and it suddenly struck me that THIS IS WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING.
last summer i did this “storytellers guild” thing with my friend erica, who is wise beyond her years and has created this interesting guild, but the great thing i got from that was reading stuff instead of memorizing it.
when i did my very first gracetalk, my friend phil helped me and thought of it as a one-woman show, but then i by the time i did it, he felt it was really stand-up comedy.
but now, i feel that i can continue forward cause i don’t have that burden of all the memorizing. stand-up comics always memorize their material, but they’re always honing it and doing it over and over and over again. that’s not what i want to do; part of the joy for me is to write, and there’s so much i want to write/ should have written, that i don’t want to do one thing over and over. i kind of think it’s more like the late, great Spaulding Grey, who performed autobiographical monologues. i went to see him in Pasadena, in a big auditorium to a packed house. he just read from his notebooks, but his stories about himself were engaging and funny. so i think that’s more like what i want to be.
except i’ll continue to have photos, plus videos – i created some videos for most of the “gracetalks,” which was fun, but i can also use videos i’ve already shot.
maybe down the road i’ll do some of the talks more often and will want to memorize them, but like i said, huge breakthrough, no burden of memorizing.
mom, kevin and i went to an early dinner after the talk on wednesday, and kevin’s idea was that i should approach the Queen Mary II and see if i can be a speaker, since i talked a little about sailing on the ship. I think that’s just a tiny bit unattainable right now, but so that can be my long-term goal.
my immediate short-term goal, beside writing more stuff, is that i want to be comfortable stopping to take a drink of water during a talk. i know i did this in previous talks, but on wednesday i suddenly got incredibly parched. kevin had supplied me with a great music stand with an attached water bottle holder, and i had planned to use it, but then i panicked and didn’t know when i could possibly stop. i did manage to open the bottle at some point, but then i never took a drink and managed to complete the talk without coughing.
so…short term-goal, drink water. long-term goal, perform on the QM II.
and right now, lots of work to do…
ok then,
mrs. empowered at least for the moment hughes.
I read your new about page, very nice. I hope you continue to pursue your writing, it sounds like you have a passion for it that you have never entirely explored. Good luck.
Robert Dugger
thanks, robert!