so…i was reading the box of ritz crackers…not to say that i’m short on reading material or anything. actually, just the opposite – i’m in the midddle of reading the play “tartuffe,” which is delightfully short and simple and easy to follow, unlike the very ponderous “volpone.” plus i have to read one more play before monday, plus there’s at least one more to read, because i have to write a paper that has to be about 11 pages, but it’s not due for a couple more weeks, and it’s 11 pages DOUBLE SPACED, which makes it practically nothing. in theory, anyway.
but, i was reading the box of ritz crackers, because i was taking a break from working on my own play. i was reading the recipes. have you noticed that there are always recipes on boxes of crackers? they’re usually quite elaborate and specific, i guess for those kinds of people who like to be very precise in their snack-making. “fifteen cherry tomato halves,” it will say, and “1/4 teaspoon garlic powder.” usually some of the ingredients are other foodstuffs by the same manufacturer, which makes sense, like, KRAFT sharp cheddar cheese. so KRAFT won’t be short-changed when somebody goes to the store. “must buy KRAFT cheese, the shopper will say (probably to himself, although i find myself talking out loud a little too much in the grocery store), “the cracker topping would be RUINED if i bought another brand of cheese.”
but really, we don’t need these recipes. i don’t know anybody who has actually made a recipe from the box of crackers. i’m not talking about that fake pie you make with crackers (how is it supposed to taste like an applie pie, for goodness sakes?), or pie crust or something, these recipes are just all about putting STUFF on top of CRACKERS.
and truly, that’s all they need to say. PUT STUFF ON TOP OF CRACKER AND EAT. that’s all we need.
maybe the recipes are for people who aren’t creative enough to figure out what to do with the crackers, except to methodically eat them one by one out of the box, or even stuff a bunch in their mouth at once. maybe somebody is really, really bored with covering the crackers with easy cheese, but they’re not quite bright enough to reach for some other topping or toppings to liven up their snack.
that’s kind of sad, isn’t it, the thought of people not even intelligent enough to figure out how to liven up a cracker.
but maybe that’s not it at all – maybe the real purpose of the cracker-topping recipe is to GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO DO WHILE EATING THE CRACKERS.
because that’s what the recipes did for me.
i’ve also often thought about who has the job of making up the cracker-topping recipes. do they have a special test kitchen for that sort of thing? does the person who writes up the recipes get paid well? it would be kind of funny, wouldn’t it, to meet somebody at a party, and she’d pick up the box of garlic triscuits and say “i wrote that parmesan-spinach-olive spread recipe right there on the box.”
i mean, it would be kind of impressive, wouldn’t it? she’d have her work in print, wouldn’t she, and people all over the world, theoretically, would be reading it.
it would be even funnier if some guy did that for a living, and he brought a box of crackers with him to a bar, and he walked up to a woman and tried to impress her, by telling her he wrote the recipe on the box.
just a thought. on a rainy wednesday night, getting colder by the second, soon it will freeze and snow is not far behind…AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH……
i listened to my acoustic xmas music cd quite a bit in the car today. i’m going to listen to it all the time, because it cheers me up. NOT that i need to be cheered up in anyway.
have you noticed that there are lots of beige minivans in springfield? sometimes it seems that everybody drives a beige minivan.
tomorrow will be a very busy day. and then, THEN, friday night, FRIDAY NIGHT….the DISCO DANCE! whoo, baby!
ok then,
grace wearing out tonight and GOING TO GO TO SLEEP BEFORE TWELVE, I SWEAR.