things didn’t go so well yesterday.  i got to the hospital at about nine and they had tried to wean him off the tube, but it didn’t work.  so yesterday he was supposed to rest.

rest with two big tubes down his throat, hooked up to so many different IVs and things.

they are trying again this morning.  the doctor yesterday told me that it could take from three to five days.  hopefully it will work in 3 to five days.

he did manage to sleep some of the day, when they gave him better drugs in his IV.  if i was hooked up like that with the tubes, i’d want the maximum amount of drugs allowed by law or otherwise.  a couple of times when i was there he was agitated and obviously desperate to let us know what was wrong, but he couldn’t make us understand.  he was probably wanting to say “get this fucking thing out of my throat because i’m in agony.”

horrible, so horrible, to see my dad like that.

i am hoping today will be better.  at least for now my mental state doesn’t feel quite as raw.

this morning as i was lying in bed trying to sleep i thought I MUST CHANGE MY WEBSITE BANNER TO APRIL!  so after i got out of bed i spent a little time creating a new banner.  having something else to occupy part of my mind is a good thing.

last night i saw one of the new public service announcements about QUIT SMOKING, a woman who was only 52 with a trach, talking in that horrible voice.  it was gut-wrenching of course, but my thought was AT LEAST SHE’S ALIVE.

whew.

ok then,

tuesday morning grace.