here are bev’s BLUE RIBBON BRAN MUFFINS.

she entered many, many, MANY things in the fair again this year.  these muffins are just that all-bran recipe, but they did look very perfect and symmetrical, which i’m sure counts for a whole lot.  i think there were a couple of other entrants and they didn’t look as nice as bev’s.

bev also entered a chocolate pecan pie, and every time i think about that pie i JUST WANT TO EAT IT.  she won NOTHING for her pie, and the only comment a judge wrote was “too chocolatey.”  for one thing, NOT POSSIBLE, and for another thing, WHAT IS A CHOCOLATE PECAN PIE SUPPOSED TO TASTE LIKE, IF NOT CHOCOLATEY???”

and then bev told me that the pie that won second place looked like the crust was BURNT, plus the top crust had risen from the filling which of course is nothing near pie perfection, and it didn’t sound to me like it should have gotten any ribbons at all.  clearly, the CONTEST WAS FIXED, i kept telling her.

she wasn’t happy about it, but then later she called me back to tell me that i MUST NOT WRITE ABOUT THIS.  of course 10 minutes had passed so i’d forgotten about it, but then that made me want to go take a picture of this damn burned pie with the crappy too-risen top crust.  and here it is.

bev has this really funny idea that i have thousands of readers and that all of them are state fair pie judges, and they’ll read this and they’ll be VERY VERY MAD AT HER because of what i write, and then…well, then what?  she didn’t get a ribbon anyway!  maybe when the thousands of state fair judges read this they’ll realize the error of their ways and they won’t want it known far and wide that THE FIX IS ON, and they’ll shape up and give bev the ribbons that she so justly deserves.

last year bev also entered the gift-wrapping contest.  she’s done an extremely clever job with a sewing theme; the box was wrapped in material, with a tape measure for a bow, and there was a thimble and a pin cushion and it was SO CUTE AND CLEVER.

she won nothing.  some really really boring wrapped present won instead.

fixed.  again.

clearly somebody needs to do a woodward and bernstein-type investigation of the situation.

meanwhile…mom saw an award-winning quilt and i didn’t really care about anything other than bev’s stuff, but then i took a look at the quilt.  it was AMAZING.  here’s a wide shot.

each of those squares had so much intricate stitching, and it was all just so beautiful and must have taken at least one million hours.

plus, the little ring-things connecting the squares together were all tatted or whatever it is that one does to create that kind of thing.  it must have taken FOREVER.  the quilt won multiple prizes, so clearly the quilt-making judges haven’t been bought off.

mom and i cam back to the hobbies building to see bev bring in her delicious-looking pizza.  it was something like chicken, figs and gorgonzola.

mmm, i wish i had a piece of that pizza right now, and of course a huge slice of chocolate pecan pie, both of which are award-winning to me.

she didn’t win anything for the pizza, either.

fixed.

ok then,

mrs. bernstein hughes.