this time on the local level, right here in spfld. there’s an article in today’s paper about a guy who the city is paying $164,000 to rid downtown of pigeons and starlings.
this was apparently all the mayor’s idea.
the thing is, how does the guy do it?
MAGIC, of course.
he DOES NOT USE POISON AND HE DOESN’T SHOOT THEM.
we know this because the guy said he doesn’t.
well then, how does he rid places of birds?
BECAUSE HE’S A BIRD WHISPERER. HE WHISPERS SOMETHING TO THE BIRDS AND THEY ALL LEAVE.
we don’t know exactly how he works his magic because THE MAYOR SAYS IT’S A SECRET.
secret magic, see. RIGHT HERE IN SPRINGFIELD.
SECRET.
MAGIC.
also just in time for halloween.
the amazing thing is the amount of money they’re paying the guy for his SECRET MAGIC.
oh yeah, the guy does have a license to use a special anti-bird pesticide. and he HAS SOME AT HIS COMPANY.
but he says he has the licens IN CASE HE WANTS TO KILL SOME TERMITES.
please tell me WOULDN’T YOU USE A DIFFERENT KIND OF POISON TO KILL THE TERMITES? TERMITE POISON, PERHAPS?
i’m feeling awfully curmudgeony and generally annoyed with the human race at large at the moment, no reason at all why.
we finally cleaned up all the halloween party debris, and i started taking down the halloween decorations but then i said to myself, GRACE! HALLOWEEN ISN’T UNTIL WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 31ST!
it’s kind of like taking down the xmas tree before xmas.
so i quit taking down the decorations and we now just have a clean and lovely and well-decorated house. we might as well throw another party because there’s quite a bit of brie and dill havarti left. also a few cupcakes, but they’re going fast. mysteriously disappearing.
BECAUSE I’M A CUPCAKE WHISPERER.
ok ok ok,
still grace.