do you remember that stupid song? why can i rember so many of the lyrics to it? why can’t i selectively delete stupid song lyrics like that from my brain, so there would be more room for lovely memories that i’m sure are SOMEWHERE, but i can’t recall them.
last night i got some pink calamine lotion and smeared it around on my ankles, and went out to dinner looking like that with my parents and randy. mom claimed that i looked just fine. i was wearing a pair of green men’s boxer shorts and a (clean, at least) white t-shirt, with the pink swirls of calamine all over my ankles. quite a vision of loveliness, huh?
luckily we just went to gallina’s pizza, where i hadn’t been in about a million years. it wasn’t crowded, and it’s the kind of place that serves its pizza on paper plates, plus there were velvet paintings on the walls, so it didn’t really matter about the calamine lotion. i could have painted my entire legs pink, and nobody would have minded.
when we went in, i noticed two guys that looked like they were probably in high school. one was on the cell phone. we ordered and sat down, and he was still on the phone. they brought over the pizza, and he ate and continued to talk. eventually, they left, as he kept talking right out the door.
didn’t the friend find this extremely annoying? or maybe the friend didn’t want to talk anyway. maybe the friend was a mute and couldn’t talk anyway. lately people i’ve been around, some people i’m even related to, will talk on the phone while we’re eating or something, and they start to carry on these loud conversations with people on the phone, and it annoys me. sometimes i want to throw the phone across the room.
i don’t, of course.
christine liked my story about letting the lemon pie go. she said she wants to start telling it to people, randomly making comments about letting the lemon pie go, and she hopes that it’ll spread across the country, but people wouldn’t actually know why they said it.
i’m glad it entertained her, but for the longest time, when somebody in my family would say “let it go, like the lemon pie,” i’d just be annoyed, because i felt that the lemon pie was never THAT big a deal, they just acted like i thought it was. and, of course, whatever it was that i was supposed to let go was also something that i probably wasn’t that worked up about anyway.
if i meditated, i could let the lemon pie go, no problem. i was really doing good with the meditating there for a while, but somehow things are squeezing in on me too much, i’m not finding the necessary time to do it.
a very, very lousy excuse, i know.
i ran this morning for an hour and a half. that’s my excuse for not being out right now doing something fun and exciting. i have this one very cute dress that amy gave me, and i’ve been dying to wear it all summer, and i haven’t had the chance. i considered going out dancing with randy tonight and wearing it, but it’s too late. he won’t even be going out for another half hour. maybe i’ll get to wear it before the weather gets cold. if not, there’s always next summer.
anyway, i wasn’t planning on running that far. i knew if i planned it, the chiggers would make me crazy. but after about 15 minutes they quit hurting, so i just kept running. it was overcast when i started, and the sun didn’t fully emerge until i’d been running for about 50 minutes or so. a perfect day for being outside.
i was going to do lots of writing the rest of the day, but then one thing led to another, and i didn’t get so much done. tomorrow, there’s always tomorrow…
i asked brother in law jim about chigger treatment, and he said to look it up on the internet. i already looked them up once, to try to figure out if they’re actually inside of me, but i didn’t get to the part about treatment, and i just don’t feel like it right now. funny, i used to spend all my time looking stuff up, and now i don’t have that burning need so much. apathy? or do i know everything already?
i keep progressing through H.P. #6, and it pains me to realize that i’m getting closer and closer to the end. i’m up to page 480 now. but tonight i watched the first harry potter movie, and it’s been such a long time since i’ve seen it, so i decided that not only can i go back and read books one through four, i can also watch the second and third movies again.
and then i must, I MUST branch out.
theoretically, of course, i’m going to be starting school in a couple of weeks, and then i’ll have assigned reading. hmm, interesting concept. this week i’m going to force that school to take action and let me enroll already.
must be more forceful. i’m never forceful enough, and i hardly ever get mad. and when i do get mad, i don’t express it, or at least not very well, or very noticeably. this story is for you, christine, except i know you already know it, and i’ve probably already written it here, but maybe it was a long time ago –
when i was little, i got really mad, and my big act of showing the anger was to go upstairs and place my parents’ pillows on the floor. i didn’t even throw them, i just set them there gently.
so, i didn’t do anything overt like that for years and years, until i was really mad at a boyfriend, and i was at his house and i poured out a bowl of cereal, and there was no milk left, and i was already so mad at him anyway about i can’t remember what, that i left the cereal in the bowl sitting there on the counter. AND i left all the cabinet doors open.
he didn’t notice any of this. no idea that i was mad, until i told him a few days later.
must express my anger more clearly.
but realistically, i won’t.
tonight christine and i were on the phone, looking at the statistics for the website, guessing what some of the things mean. some of the stuff is a little vague, but we’re both pretty confident that the numbers are increasing, and have been doing steadily for the past few months. so even though i usually don’t actually hear from any of you, i do appreciate your reading, and i’m going to do my best to not be such an INCREDIBLY LAZY person, and i’m going to take some more photos tomorrow, and who knows, maybe i’ll even start editing a new video.
photos – good chance. video – slim odds. i have footage from people talking backstagge during “you can’t take it with you,” which was in february, and i know that someday, SOMEDAY, i’ll edit it together. and some camping footage.
lazy lazy lazy.
and one more thing – i want to make a public apology to my dear friend kate; i’m sorry i didn’t even call you back. kate rarely calls, she’s not a calling on the phone kind of person so much, and she called on friday and i did not call her back, and i have no good reason at all for that, except laziness/forgetfulness. i could have e-mailed, also, but since my computer was being very bad, and i didn’t have it for a few days, i suddenly got very tired of the thought of e-mailing, so i haven’t e-mailed anybody at all lately.
bad bad bad.
not that i’m truly hard on myself. a friend tells me that i’m so hard on myself, but i’m not, because although i ACKNOWLEDGE the badness, i rarely do anything to attempt to change the behavior. which is also bad.
i read HP now. but slowly, and not too many pages.
ok then, goodnight,
grace