first, randy complained about me NOT POSTING ENOUGH.  then i got a snarky e-mail from aunt sandy, also NAG NAG NAGGING ME.  this was after i’d just posted my last post, which was even full of photos.  you just can’t please some people.

yesterday i thought i’d just start randomly writing stuff down here, like what i had for breakfast, boring dumb stuff.  but then i didn’t even have time to do that.

sometime i don’t write because i don’t have anything to say, sometimes because i really don’t think you’d want to know what’s going on inside my head.  sometimes it’s not so pretty.

ok, though…

i have always been extraordinarily slow to hear about things, or pick up on things.  i have huge great gobs of ignorance on a wide range of subjects, like math.

music has always been a problem for me.

when i was little, mom and dad had lots of records and i know i must have listened to them because i know plenty of words from plenty of them.  the beatles, for example.

i distinctly remember in junior high, the worst period of my life, that i decided i needed to start listening to music so at least that would be one little bit of normalcy in me, as opposed to the whole rest of me which didn’t fit in at all and it was dreadful and i try to never think of it.

but anyway, i remember standing in my bedroom with my little transistor radio, listening to songs on the radio and deciding i would choose two to be my favorite songs.  one of them was “the things you do for love,” by the band 10cc.  the other one was “you’re a rich girl,” by hall and oates.

i still know most of the lyrics to both songs.

this didn’t help, of course, with my neverending problem of being a total and complete outcast.

since then, i do listen to music, and i like a lot of it, but then there are times…at christmas, for example, i was doing a lot of baking and i put a bunch of songs on the CD player and set the thing to shuffle.

after about an hour i realized that it was just playing the one song, over and over.

i guess one problem with me and music is that there’s just so much noise inside my head that it’s hard to focus on the music.

i’m going to start meditating tomorrow, for real, and maybe that will help to quiet the constant chatter.

when i’m driving in my car, i can be driving for a very very long time before i realize that it’s completely quiet.  sometimes i turn on the radio, but usually the noise irritates me.

but there’s some music i really like.  when i lived in LA, i only listened to my favorite radio staion, KLON, all the time.  it played jazz classics, and i even managed to learn a little bit about jazz from all that listening.  i won free tickets a few times, once to see diana krall before she was famous – she was playing in a little tiny club somewhere in redondo beach.  awesome.  another time i won tickets to see the late great jazz pianist oscar peterson at the hollywood bowl.  through the radio station, i volunteered for a jazz workshop thing and got to see dave brubeck.  outstanding.

i saw a bunch of great performances in LA – keb’ mo, lyle lovett, sting…there are probably a slew of them i can’t even remember.  since then i’ve even managed to see some good stuff.  we saw les paul in new york, for example.  sat right in front of him.

but i’m totally digressing here.


this is what i knew about freddie mercury til the night before last:  he was a musician.  he was dead.

then, two nights ago, i was watching a concert on this station that kevin found called Palladia, which is owned by MTV.  there are lots of concerts on this station.

i watched a Queen concert called QUEEN ROCK MONTREAL, 1981 at the montreal forum.  included songs were “another one bites the dust,” “bohemian rhapsody, “killer queen,” “somebody to love, and “tie your mother down.”

OF COURSE I KNOW ALL THOSE SONGS.  but i didn’t necessarily know that they are all queen songs.


at least to the best of my knowledge.  and as he sang all these iconic songs, he was so AMAZING that i just couldn’t believe it.  i immediately had to read extensively about him and about queen on wikipedia, so i wasn’t 100 percent focusing on the tv, but when i did i kept saying to myself I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW AWESOME THIS GUY IS.

he has a four octave range.

he just kept singing and singing, and i continued to be blown away.


because i’m me.  i don’t know many many things about many many things.

many MANY things.

i mean, i could have seen them perform – on tv, plus i probably could have managed to go to a concert somewhere, somehow.

i never went to concerts when i was young.

i guess, instead of CONTINUING TO HIT MYSELF OVER THE HEAD WITH A TWO BY FOUR about my continuing and profound ignorance, i should consider myself lucky – there is so much stuff out there, so many dvds and biographies and stuff, i can learn all about freddie mercury and queen and IT’S NOT TOO LATE.

even though he’s dead.

i’m gonna buy the dvd that is the concert in montreal plus their performance at live aid in 1985, which is supposed to be the BEST QUEEN PERFORMANCE EVER.

i got a newish freddie mercury biography at the library yesterday. when i was checking out, the woman at the desk said “i saw a picture of freddie mercury when he was little, and i didn’t even recognize him!”  and she laughed and i chuckled.  i didn’t say I NEVER KNEW WHAT HE LOOKED LIKE  AND I DIDN’T KNOW ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT HIM TIL LAST NIGHT.

i’m going to start reading it tomorrow.  right after i meditate.

and now i try to rest my mind.

ok then.

mrs. gh.