i neglected to mention, because it was morning and i wasn’t fully alert yet, even though it was 10 a.m., that when i dropped my beautiful new suede purse in the street, IT WAS RAINING, AND MY PURSE GOT ALL WET. that was definitely the low point of my day.
many things fell out of the purse and rolled around in the street, but i’m used to that, because it happens all the time.
luckily, it dried and looks ok.
and actually, actually…my day wasn’t so bad. i had some good conversations throughout the day. and i got two good phone calls. one was a total surprise, and i’m going to find out next week if it’s something really great or not. let me just say that if it works out, i’m going to be very happy and excited.
which is why i’m not going to talk about it, because i don’t want to jinx it. which is why i’m just going to try to PUT IT OUT OF MY MIND, because one thing i’ve learned from one bitter disappointment after another is DON’T GET YOUR HOPES UP.
i’m doing my best to have no hopes. if i was an alcoholic and belonged to aa, i could chant “let go and let god.” but i’m neither an alcoholic nor a really strong believer in the religion, so i can’t say that.
but i would if i could.
i’m a failed bulimic, in that i have the bingeing down good, but i can’t seem to make myself purge.
amazing, that there were these little glimmers of light in such a horribly gloomy, dark, grey, rainy day. this afternoon i ran from my office to amy’s salon, and i got completely drenched.
in class tonight, first i got to read the part of a woman mayor, and then i got to be a surly 17 year-old black girl. my professor complimented people on their readings, and then he said to me, “you were good, except i didn’t like your first reading at all.” and then he proceeded to compliment a girl who could BARELY SPEAK, so i was mad. does that mean that he’s going to say he doesn’t like my play? we read one play and i thought it was abysmal, but he went on and on about how GREAT it was, and i thought, am i missing something here? am i not able to see it for all its glory? the characters just talked on and on, bickering incessantly, and i felt like i was going to lose my mind, being forced to listen to it go on and on and on.
class was very unsatisfying. i didn’t have my watch on, and there was no clock in the room, which was weird, and i was going crazy, not knowing how much longer i had to sit there.
i had high hopes for getting to bed early, but of course that didn’t happen again. at least tomorrow is friday, and on saturday i might sleep REALLY REALLY LATE. i can do that at amy and jim’s, because there’s no noise at all there. except sometimes a cat will jump up on the bed and walk over my stomach. their hugest kitty, called Mr. Kitty, does that. they have four cats and three dogs. i’ve felt guilty sleeping late there before, because then the dogs have to stay in their cages till i get up, and they’re used to getting up with jim at six a.m.
but they’ll be fine. we’re going to have a very good time. except that it’s supposed to rain all weekend long, so i don’t know about running with them, not to mention the general mud that i feel will be an intrinsic part of the weekend.
the other play we read, the guy had a few characters who used really big words a lot. people don’t talk like that.
i don’t know why i didn’t mention this.
sometimes i don’t feel like talking.
most of the time this is not the case; most of the time, i realize it can be hard for the person i may be talking to to get a word in edgewise.
but in class, it’s another story. part of the reason i sometimes don’t talk is because i don’t want the class to go on any longer than is absolutely necessary, and i feel that if i start talking, that will just make it last longer.
there was a funny cartoon in the paper yesterday. it was “zits,” a repulsive comic name. but the kid was telling his dad that he had three blogs – one for his thoughts, one for his thoughts about his thoughts, and i think the third was for thoughts about his thoughts about his thoughts. very funny.
when i go to denver, i’m going to take my video camera, as well as my camera.
i hope there is no snow there.
if there is, i’m going to stay inside.
but i’ll take a lot of pictures, no matter what i do. i’m going to have a good travelogue up here. for many years, i wanted to make travel videos. and now i could start doing this, by shooting some video when i’m in denver.
we shall see.
at work, somebody had some tarot cards with a booklet about their meanings. i guess i don’t really believe in the tarot cards so much, although i do have a deck of my own and at least one book for interpretation of them.
i drew two cards, and they were both about the mind, about having lots of burdens in your mind, lots of stuff going on in there, how important it is to try to make it be still.
good luck to me with that endeavor.
ok then, good night, don’t let the bed bugs bite,
grace approaching the weekend.
p.s. amy called yesterday and said she was going shopping, and what kind of food did i want when housesitting? i said she didn’t have to buy anything; i always manage to find their candy, ice cream, and frozen pizza. so she went out and bought candy, ice cream, and frozen pizza. i’m sure they already had these things, except for the candy, and maybe i’ll just have to hide it from myself when i get there. i’d hate to gain four hundred pounds in just four days, but it’s always a possibility.