on saturday, i got a letter from sam’s club saying that YOU MAY HAVE PURCHASED NATURALLY MORE 26 OZ SERIAL NUMBER BLAH BLAH BLAH. IT IS BEING RECALLED DUE TO SALMONELLA. HOPEFULLY YOU ARE STILL ALIVE. IF SO, PLEASE BRING BACK THE PEANUT BUTTER AND WE WILL GIVE YOU YOUR MONEY BACK.
the thing is, i’d glanced at some salmonella notice in the paper, but didn’t pay any attention to it because i figured the odds were good that it wasn’t my kind of peanut butter, cause naturally more peanut butter isn’t a hugely known kind, although it’s very good for you cause of added flax.
good for you, unless it is INFECTED WITH SALMONELLA AND YOU DIE.
i had eaten almost half of the 26 oz jar, which is quite a bit, but it had been over a pretty long period of time. plus probably only a tiny amount of the jars are CHOCK FULL OF SALMONELLA? i’m assuming.
anyway, that was my saturday, ok, not exactly that thrilling, but i’d never gotten a RECALL BEFORE YOU DIE letter before, so it was unusual.
then mollie and i decided to go for a walk.
it was a lovely day, except by the afternoon it was kind of sunny and warm in the sun for a dog in a black coat, so i decided to take her to washington park. i love that park, and i figured even though she wouldn’t be able to run free like she does in the soccer field, there would be so many tantalizing doggie pee smells that she would be happy nonetheless.
i was wearing my black corduroys because i had been out earlier in the day and i didn’t want to change, and it would be relatively cool in the shade of the park.
i parked near the duck pond on the east side of the park, and off we started, at 2:15 p.m. i don’t know why i remember the exact time, i’m kind of obsessive compulsive about time sometimes even though the time didn’t matter. well, i did want to see how much of a walk we got in, so maybe i’m not really that obsessive.
at first the going was very very slow and was really more of a stand around while mollie sniffs kind of deal. this was fine; like i said, it was a beautiful day, i was in no rush, and mollie was delighted.
was headed down a big hill in the grass instead of on the pavement because it was shadier there. i found this weird clump of mushrooms and took a picture.
i hadn’t planned on doing any texting while walking, but i sent the photo to kevin, who was making bullets or cleaning guns or making some kind of civil war leather kind of thing – he was down in the basement doing some sort of kevin thing on such a beautiful day. i know, it’s not the way i’d want to spend such a lovely day, but he was happy.
but then he texted me back, and so i texted him a little more, and he texted me, and mollie sniffed and we slowly made our way down the road towards the other, bigger duck pond.
it was warmer than i’d thought it would be, and sunnier, and why didn’t i change out of my cords? mollie needed many drinks of water.
a wedding was going to happen at that new little gazebo thing they built over an old spring; the wedding party guys were all lined up getting photos taken. next to it is a new concession stand, and i walked over to see what they had, even though i had no money and wasn’t hungry anyway. the guy there was nice, said it had been open since may, so clearly i don’t get to the park much.
i got mollie a drink at the doggie fountain even though i’d also brought some water with me, and i tried to text kevin about the wedding but i dropped my phone, and there were other dogs there, and things were slightly chaotic, but only slightly, and only for a moment. i realized my phone was almost out of power, so i decided i’d refrain from any more texting.
we continued to walk, more dogs, more sun, and as we walked around the road by the carillon i cut through the grass, hugging the bank so we could avoid the sun. as we turned to climb the hill towards the playground, i saw a bunch of nicely-dressed people trudging up the hill towards the carillon and figured there must be yet another wedding. good day for it.
we headed into the grass again as we climbed the hill, too much sun, mollie looked hot, i was hot, and we headed through the playground that was teeming with little kids and their parents.
we headed in the grass down the hill on the other side, past the tennis courts, and i thought about how i hadn’t set foot on those courts in years and years. i took ill-fated tennis lessons there when i was a kid. i sucked at tennis, as i did at all sports.
as we passed the tennis courts we went back into the park road, passed more dogs, and i finally saw the car up ahead. i was relieved, because we’d been gone for about 45 minutes, longer than i’d planned on walking.
and then i looked down.
i’d stuck my big thing of keys into my front pocket, with the bulk of the keys hanging out so it didn’t look like i had a big growth.
NO MORE KEYS.
damn.
i felt a jolt of panic, and turned around, it would suck, walking all the way back around, but there was nothing else to do.
i called kevin, but he didn’t answer, so i sent him a text, then i called amy, and jim answered. in times of crisis he is always super-calm and reassuring, and he told me to scan 10 feet to either side of me as i walked, and to take my time, because i’m sure i sounded pretty panicky about the fact that i’d walked in such a random pattern and wasn’t sure about my exact path.
so we walked back through the playground and two little girls came screaming up to us, CAN I PET YOUR DOG? and i let them, and they were cute, and i thought, oh, it doesn’t matter, i’ll find my keys.
because of past experiences of losing things, i knew that they’d be pretty visible because they were so big and bulky.
we walked back down the hill, except i really had no idea of our path, but we kept going, back around the back side of the big duck pond, saw people posing for photos, back around to the concession stand. at this point there were lots more people milling around for the impending wedding.
“yeah, some guy brought some keys,” said the concession guy. “i told him to take them to the lost and found at the tennis courts.”
SOMEBODY FOUND MY KEYS! it made sense that i’d dropped them there, but i wished the guy had just given them to the concession guy, but at least they’d been found!
so mollie and i trudged up the road towards the tennis courts, which are kind of far after you’ve already been walking a lot.
as we walked up the road, there was the bride! she had hoisted up her dress, and was wearing very tall blue heels. a bridesmaid was walking way ahead of her, her dress a dark beige color.
i quickly took a picture, but i realize you can’t really see the brideso well because of the glare.
i don’t understand why the bried didn’t park way closer to where the wedding was going to take place. maybe she had to change her clothes somewhere first?
anyway, mollie and i finally got to the tennis court, went into the little building, and an old guy was there talking to a couple of people. no, he hadn’t seen anybody with keys, he’d only gotten there and opened up the place a few minutes before, nope, NO KEYS.
damn. i gave him my name and number, and mollie and i headed out. there’s another little building by the duck pond; maybe somebody there found them? i wanted to take the most direct route, so i walked on the grass in back of the tennis court, and hoped there’d be a path from there. there wasn’t really a path, so we had to sort of stumble our way through the woods for a while. there was plenty of bright red poison ivy everywhere but i didn’t care because of wearing the corduroys. we finally emerged from the woods and back to the road.
meanwhile, i’d talked to jim, who said that he and amy were going to take their dogs walking in the park and they’d bring my spare key if i didn’t find mine.
i got to the other building, but there was yet another wedding about to happen. this one featured a bride in a very poofy dress and a bunch of bridesmaids in very vivid royal blue dresses.
mollie and walked up to them and the bride asked what i wanted, and i told her, and of course they hadn’t seen the keys.
we headed back to the concession stand, and jim said they’d be there in 10 minutes.
the other wedding was now in progress, almost to the climax, and we tried to not get in the way.
the concession stand guy said that maybe the guy had turned the keys in to the park cops. i grilled him about what the guy who found them looked like, but all he knew was that he was a young guy in shorts.
i sat on a bench and waited, and eventually amy, jim, and the very excited dogs showed up. we drove to the park police station, which was closed, and amy called the number on the door. she then headed for the carillon, where people were getting homecoming photos taken, as well as the wedding going on. no keys. meanwhile the cops called back and talked to jim, and they hadn’t seen any keys either.
back to the tennis courts, where the old guy was more sympathetic, but no more helpful.
we capped it off with one final trip to the concession guy, and i gave him my number, too.
we circled the park for the hundredth time, but i didn’t care anymore because at least we were riding around in the car.
and back to my car, and mollie and i drove home as amy and jim set out on their walk. i’m sure they had their keys well-secured.
ok, in addition to a bunch of keys, some of which i don’t know what they’re for, i also have a few of those little key tab things, like on for the fit club, on my ring. i know that it says DROP IN ANY MAILBOX on it, so i’m hoping that’s what the guy did. or he could have taken them to the fit club. i just feel that they’re not totally lost, that they’ll turn up somewhere soon.
at least we didn’t have to walk all the way home.
now, i would say that i’ve learned a valuable lesson here…BUT I DID THIS BEFORE. so with my ever-shrinking memory, i can’t be sure that i won’t do the EXACT SAME THING AGAIN.
the last time i lost my keys, though, it was when we were living in westchester. mollie and i had walked through that park, and when i realized i didn’t have my keys i felt that i was really screwed because i think for some reason everybody in the family was out of town or something. i must have not had my phone, either. i remember walking forlornly through the westchester park, almost in tears, asking passers-by if they’d seen any keys.
then, when i walked back home, THERE THEY WERE IN THE FRONT YARD.
maybe my keys will turn up. meanwhile, i am much less weighed down now, only one little car key and that’s it.
i hope your monday goes well.
ok then,
mrs. always losing/breaking things hughes.