even though shadow isn’t amy and jim’s dog anymore because they gave him to us for safekeeping a while ago, i feel like he still belongs to all of us.

last month kevin took him to the vet and Shadow had some enlarged lymph nodes and he’d lost some weight and the vet said it could be cancer.  not good news, but we were hopeful.  i was thinking that perhaps we’d have a nice miracle.

today i took him for a follow-up visit and the good news is that he’s gained .2 pounds.  not much i know, but now he weighs a firm 11 pounds.  the bad news is that the lymph nodes are bigger plus there are other bigger ones that the vet didn’t see before.

the good news is that he has a good heart.

the bad news is that he threw up this morning which could be the start of his rapid decline.

the good news is that maybe it’s not because of any more declining, but just because i gave him a bunch of raw steak last night as i was cutting it up for a party, plus i’m sure he got more snacks at the party (ok, mostly from me) and maybe that was just too much food.

i guess the last item wasn’t technically good news but at least it’s a little bit of hope.

but i know how this is going to end, with him declining and then we’ll have to make the decision about having him put to sleep.  i think about that horrible day with our cat Honey, how we woke up thinking she was fine and then having to put her to sleep at the end of the day.

so i think, well, at least now we’re prepared.  he’s old, he’s very happy now, he’s feeling good, death is inevitable.

but somehow, right now, that doesn’t make it seem any better at all.

i sat around and felt morose and ate all the remaining cookies from the party (at least six and perhaps seven) and then decided i needed to take shadow for a boat ride.  he loves going on the boat, so he needed to do something fun after being at the vet and getting blood drawn and having fluids pumped in subcutaneously.

i called mom and she came over and we all went out in the boat.  mollie also had a good time.

there was a sign in the vet’s office, something about living for the day and enjoying it, who knows what tomorrow will bring.  this, of course, is the thing that we all need to live by, but it’s really easy not to.

it’s hard not to give shadow all the treats in the world, but i think i learned the lesson with the steak.

so not ALL the treats in the world.  just A LOT of them.

ok then,

tuesday grace.