watch out for getting stabbed in the back, especially if you’re named Caesar. was that the first use of that phrase, or was that a general thing before that?
So, i took my flyers around and indeed, nobody yelled at me and it was all good.
that’s not entirely true. The Wienerdog guys did yell at me, but only because they care. or at least i think that’s why. I gave them the flyers and asked them to please not put them behind the garbage can, because that’s where they were before and i felt the visibility was just a little low. behind the garbage can. they had a long discussion about where to put them, which i got bored with, and then they started asking me lots of questions, all man-related. No man, i told them. They grilled me to make sure i wasn’t lying to them, and had secretly gotten back together with a man and hadn’t told them about it. This had already happened once before, the last thing they knew, i was broken up, and then i showed up with the guy in tow, and they can’t stop giving me a hard time about that. Finally, satisfied, they started to give me lots and lots of dating advice.
The Wiengerdogians, Mark and Rob, are sweet guys, and like i said, i do really think they have my best interest at heart. I mean, if they didn’t care, they wouldn’t have my photo up on their wall, would they? Mark and Rob are the most guy guys i’ve ever known, though. I mentioned the Illini game (not knowing exactly what’s going on, just that it’s very very important to guys all across the nation), and they started in on how it’s important for a woman to know something about sports, but they don’t need to know too much. They went on and on about how one of them dated a woman who kept CORRECTING him about sports things, and that was clearly very, very bad. I assured them this would never, ever happen when i date a man, not to worry.
And then Mark started giving me lots of relationship platitude kind of advice, and i wished i could steer the conversation back to flyer placement. They suggested that i look further afield, like in st. louis and chicago, and i said, maybe it would be ok to put the flyers behind the garbage can…
They also gave me lots of grief about how i was leading people on, because of outfit i’m wearing on the flyer holder. Here is the photo:
I said, i do own this dress, and that’s how i look in it, but they said i never come into the Wienerdog dressed like that, i’m always wearing a big parka and long pants. I pointed out that it’s a little chilly for that kind of attire. I forgot to mention how completely inappropriate it would be to show up at the hospital to give people massages in something like that.
I promised them i’d wear the pink dress to the Wienerdog when the weather gets warmer. Actually, i love to get all dressed up, i have many fabulous dresses, but usually no place to wear them. I have a new skirt that is perfect for dancing, but no immediate dancing opportunities. But now that i’m putting it out there in cyberspace, maybe something will magically come up. Christine is always saying i can wear a fabulous dress to the grocery store if i want. Actually, she said that more when we both lived in LA, and then, you did see all kinds of outfits at the grocery at all hours of the day and night. but really, it’s not very exciting, wearing a cute dress just to buy bananas and frozen yogurt.
Anyway, finally, i escaped the Wienerdog, as Mark and Rob shouted more friendly and helpful advice at me.
Next, on to Recycled Records, where the owner, Mark, was quite happy to see me and wanted to read the column right away even though he was in the middle of eating lunch, and he promised he wouldn’t get any food on it. he asked if i was still running marathons, i said no (i haven’t actually ever run a marathon, and probably won’t), and then he wanted to know if MNB was around, and i said, no, no man. He said he didn’t want to be nosy, but i AM a public figure, after all. i said, yes, that’s true.
He didn’t offer any dating advice, but i’m sure he’d have been happy to give me some if i’d asked.
I then took them to the Cardologist, where Cathy, my old neighbor, works, and she pointed to a sign they have on the wall that says “if it has testicles or wheels, it’s going to be trouble.” I mean, she just offered this up, based on absolutely nothing i said. i agreed with the sentiment, pointing out that i just had to have my timing belt replaced and it cost a mint, and my dad was very very VERY concerned that i waited so long to have it done and i could have WRECKED THE CAR because of the old crappy timing belt. when this car finally breaks down for good, i’m just going to walk.
I didn’t say anything about the other part of the saying, but thanked her and headed for Food Fantasies, where Stu, the friendly manager, wasn’t even around, so i didn’t have to see what pearls of wisdom or advice he might have to offer.
maybe next time.
I then boldly took one more set of flyers to the place where my sister does hair. It’s a place with a bunch of different private salons, and a central lobby, and there’s a newspaper stand there, and i thought i could put my flyers there, so I asked the manager, and she said no. I immediately felt defeated, of course, but at least she didn’t give me any dating advice. but on the other hand, she’s a savvy businesswoman, maybe she’d have had some truly helpful advice about men.
but probably not.
i just broke another hands-free thing for my phone. so that makes about 10 this year alone.
that is all for now.
ok then,
grace who people feel the need to help me with all kinds of ideas.