this does not bode well for the week ahead. i woke up at 3:43 and here i am now, wide awake. I should fold some laundry. i should make a list of…something. start a plan.
the thing about being awake in the middle of the night is that even though i feel that i really am wide awake, and could even tackle some math problems if there were some here before me (really easy ones anyway, and thank god there are no math problems anywhere around here), i don’t think i’m really as awake as i imagine. if i were to call somebody right now, i don’t think my voice would be a sharp as my mind, which appears to be quite alert, although this must be an illusion.
if i were to make a list right now, perhaps of goals and plans, i also think it would be just a little too negative. but maybe i should start contemplating next winter, my escape route. moving vs. taking a substantial vacation someplace warm.
it seems that a glass of wine would settle me down, but i don’t feel like a glass of wine.
when i was little, i used to sleep-walk. one night we had a babysitter, and she found me in the pantry. i appeared to be awake, but i was just wandering around the house, quite asleep. nothing like that ever happened to me when i was a babysitter.
i don’t walk in my sleep anymore; instead, i wake up.
doesn’t bode well. but it hasn’t even been an hour yet, maybe if i just turn off the light and try to think about nothing, i’ll fall asleep again.
i need a hobby. lots of time women are knitting or doing other stitching-type activities while they wait at the hospital. i don’t want to do something that involves lots of work with my hands, because my hands get enough of a workout giving massages. some non-hand-related hobby, but something like that, that i could take with me and work on wherever i go.
five more minutes to get back to sleep.
ok then,
grace not pleased at all with this start to the week.