was that last posting just yesterday? how can that be? it feels like many years have passed since yesterday afternoon, sitting outside at panera, so young and carefree and filled with song…
just kidding.
except for the large amount of time passing. tonight in playwriting class, we read aloud pirandello’s “six characters in search of an author.” i like a lot of the things he says in the play, and one of my favorite is his writing that human beings are really illusions; that the you that was you before isn’t the you that’s you now, and everything about you today will be illusion tomorrow.
it’s like my feeling that i’ve had a whole bunch of different and distinct segments in my life, chapters that have been completely different from each other.
i guess the only constant has been that the me that is me has always been around. do you ever feel tired of yourself? do you ever think about the fact that the you in your head is going to be there forever? perhaps that’s the real reason we need sleep, so we can shut ourselves up for a while.
i need lots of sleep. the more the better. desperate need to stop the constant chatter all the time (why don’t you do some MEDITATION again, anyway? laziness).
the disaster that is new orleans all took place while i was camping. it was really weird to come back and find that it had happened. also, because i rarely watch tv anymore, it seems very distant. i read about it in the chicago tribune a little bit today, and it’s unbelievably dismaying. hard to conceive of. people keep telling me that they stayed up till midnight or later, watching the drama.
we are fascinated with horror.
i’ve been feeling anyway that the whole universe is out of kilter. more and more, people tell me of their troubles, their sorrow, their burdens. i don’t know how anybody can bear it. most of the time i don’t know how i can bear my own life, but when i hear about other people’s plights, i don’t know how they can stand theirs even more.
a friend told me about his daughter starting seventh grade. i told him she might as well just put an end to her misery right now and get it over with. i mean, i didn’t actually mean she should kill herself certainly, but…junior high can be the start of hell.
and then it all spirals downhill from there.
gee, am i sounding kind of down tonight? i actually don’t feel so bad, i mean, not worse than usual, pretty much. i mean, i’ve had some nice times in my life. i’d like a nice moment right this very moment, but i’m not hoping for anything.
abandon hope, i think that’s probably the only way to go.
cheerfully.
i came home from class tonight and have been incredibly productive, cleaning, printing out the next play to read, getting stuff done.
not that this is any better than sitting around eating ice cream.
i think there are about four kinds of ice cream in the freezer right now, but none of them appeals to me. if i lived closer to amy and jim, i could go to their house and get some baskin robbins chocolate peanut butter ice cream.
it’s amy’s birthday today, by the way, so please wish her happy (belated) birthday if you see her soon. we’re going to celebrate on monday, which should (theoretically, not hoping for anything) be a good day anyway.
i have to give too many massages tomorrow. my own fault, i scheduled just one too many.
i’m supposed to go to a party tomorrow night, but my hands might fall off before i get there.
hopefully this won’t happen.
i have to fold laundry now.
when is my life going to be exciting and fun all the time?
not that i have ridiculously high expectations, as usual.
not that i’m setting myself up for misery and sorrow.
i did manage to continue to survive despite having to get through the hell that was junior high.
everything is good.
ok then,
grace writing a lot in one line segments for some reason tonight. perhaps it’s a new form of poetry.