normally, i’m at a very low ebb right about now. for some reason, though, i’m not feeling too particularly wretched and horrible. at this one little moment anyway; this feeling could change without warning, i realize.
maybe it’s the fact that i have at least a couple of plans for the week that i’m looking foward to. plus i’m not in chicago where it is cold and windy and congested and everybody smokes. did i mention that? walking around, i felt like everybody was smoking. i thought that maybe it was just the smokers lurking in corners of buildings, workers who can’t smoke inside. but then i noticed that lots of people walking around were smoking. i thought, well, most people in spfld drive in their cars, they don’t walk, and so that’s why it felt like everybody was smoking.
but when i got back here, i’ve been around people outside a little bit – people do occasionally venture out of their cars here, at least every once in a while – and there’s not as much smoking here.
i’m printing out my latest flyer version of this column, wondering if anybody will bother to pick them up, wondering if there’s really a point to doing it. i don’t know if i mentioned the last time i took them around, or maybe it was the time before that – i was at the wienerdog, and this guy said to me, “oh, that’s your shameless self-promotion, isn’t it?” and he said it like three times at least, and i wanted to punch him. of course i’ve never punched anybody, i rarely even raise my voice, and i just looked at him and sort of smiled. he did take a copy of each flyer that was there, and said he liked reading it, but i was so pissed off that he kept telling me that i was a shameless self-promoter. after i left, i wished i’d told him that i’m doing this because i think people ENJOY it, and if he doesn’t want to read, THEN DON’T, and i wanted to yell at him, but of course that’s not my nature at all. oh well.
oh, now i remember what i wanted to say tonight – i want to BE the wicked witch of the west. if you saw the play, you’ll know what i’m talking about. because in “wicked,” the wicked W. of the W. isn’t bad, she’s wonderful and strong and fabulous, but misunderstood. brave and good and she has a wonderful voice and great songs and i want to BE her. maybe in my next lifetime.
i’ve been realizing that i’ve been focusing perhaps a little too much lately on who i’d like to be in my next lifetime. trying to avoid thoughts of THIS lifetime, not doing a good job AT ALL of focusing on the fact that THIS lifetime is going on RIGHT NOW and if i don’t pay more attention, i’ll miss out on the whole darn thing.
my friend gil said the book “wicked” wasn’t any good, and i’ve heard that from a couple of people, so i’m glad they managed to make such an incredible musical out of it.
it’s supposed to get down to 40 tonight, which i’m ignoring.
that is all for now.
ok then,
grace who isn’t the wicked witch of the west YET.