whew. i thought i was tired last week before the show. but now, i’m really REALLY tired. i’m sitting at my sister’s salon, waiting for my pin curls. i rushed to get here, but somehow every street i turned down had a red light, and it seemed to take forever. but she’s not ready for me yet.
what a strange week. at least i quit saying “it couldn’t get worse.” but i’m starting to worry about the bad things that have happened to those i love. so far, 2005 has been very, very rough, not just for me but for people i care about.
here’s one thing i worry about – people always say that “that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” and they also say you’re not given more shitty stuff than you can handle.
but the problem is that bad things keep happening, and so therefore i must be stronger and stronger and STRONGER all the time. but then doesn’t that mean that i’m going to have to deal with worse and worse things, because i’m getting stronger and stronger? will i get more and more painful/difficult things to deal with constantly? God, i don’t even want to write those words, because i don’t want to contemplate that.
enough, please. ready for some good times.
good times and warm weather – a grey, dreary day all day, then it started snowing, and now it’s freezing rain.
uncle.
on a bright note, i didn’t eat ALL the pizza at the cast party last night. but there was lots and lots of pizza. also, the guy who plays grandpa, ron, brought homemade chocolates, which is funny because in the play i’m always making chocolates. so i had to eat several of them, because i didn’t want to be rude.
polite, i’ve always been very polite. especially when it comes to forcing myself to eat chocolate.
we talk about all kinds of food in the play, including blintzes, frankfurters, watermelon, and pickled pigs feet. at tonight’s party they’re going to serve many of the these items, except the pickled pigs feet. whose idea was that, pickling the pigs feet? did somebody have some pickling sauce left over from making pickles, and they said, “hey, let’s pickle these leftover pigs feet we got lying around!”
last night the woman who plays olga, beverly, brought two pans of blintzes. the other ron, who plays mr. kirby, ate one of them before they’d been heated up in the oven. he plays a very stuffy upper-crust kind of guy in the show, but i told him that his character would never, ever eat cold blintzes.
ok, so here’s how i’m going to try to combat the onslaught of bad stuff – i’m going to try to think more positive thoughts. i think we should all try that. whenever i start burrowing down in the feelings of badness, i’ve been trying to shift that away to thinking about the good. because life is about how you react to the things that happen to you, right? AND, maybe the huge outpouring of positive energy from me will HELP THINGS TO BE BETTER.
so that’s what i’m doing. right now, even though i’m ridiculously tired, i’m going to sit here and think about good. good good good.
just one quick good thought before i sign off – amy has lots of mini chocolates all over her salon, and there are not one but TWO bowls of them sitting right here next to me. so, clearly, life is good.
positive thoughts.
ok ok ok,
happy grace
p.s. i only meditated one day in a row this week, but i promise i’ll do better next week, because i KNOW that meditating will change my world. if i ever manage to do it more than one day in a row.