if i just wait forever for my computer to do something, it does it. maybe it’s teaching me patience. jim suggested that i start using a pen and paper instead of the computer. good idea, except for the putting it on the internet part.
ok, so i have to sleep in a minute,and i haven’t gotten to read one word of harry potter yet. i’ve been reading for the past hour, as fast as i can, but then i felt i had to stop and write for a minute.
i’m reading kurt vonnegot’s “galapagos,” a book i got somewhere some time ago, and it’s been sitting around forever and i don’t even have or take the time to read books much these days anyway, but i started this one a while ago and right now i only have 50 more pages to go, so i have to keep reading to the end before i can start harry potter.
it’s not as good as other vonnegut books, but it’s not bad.
so here’s the thing – he’s talking about this thing that people in the book say about people who die – “’Oh well – he wasn’t going to write Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony anyway.’ This wry comment on how little most of us were likely to accomplish in life, no matter how long we lived…”
then he explains where the comment came from, but i was seized up at that point, thinking about how little i’ve accomplished, about how much i’d hoped to accomplish already…but i haven’t been going down a dark hole of depression by this for once, at least. instead, and i don’t know why i’m in an OK kind of place late on sunday night, but i’ve been thinking, well, it’s true that i haven’t accomplished a lot of things i’ve hoped to, and i probably won’t ever do everything i want to do…so i need to keep remembering to try to enjoy what i’m doing. and to do what i enjoy.
i know that tomorrow morning i’ll wake up and be surly Morning Grace, probably, but at least right now i’m focusing on the good things i did today (and i did manage to squeeze some really nice things in today, in between swearing at the computer), and the prospect of joy tomorrow.
so if you’re reading this on monday morning, at your cubicle at work or wherever, and it’s MONDAY MORNING, and you’re feeling all snarly and unmotivated, well, just do something about it. one time i read this, and i know it sounds kind of retarded, but i do find it can work – just try smiling. just sit there and smile, and i bet you’ll find it hard not to feel just a little bit better because you’re smiling. i’m sure it’s some physiological smiling reflex hormone kind of thing, but even if i’m very very surly, and i try smiling even though i DO NOT MEAN IT, i feel better, if even for a few minutes.
and then, of course, you could always think about ways to improve your day. today i wrote a new flyer, all about trying new things, and it’s the same idea here.
finding some peace and happiness in the small things in life.
this is the only one you have, after all. also a very important thing to keep in mind.
perhaps i should try to find a job as a motivational speaker.
and also maybe i could figure out how to tie this in with camping, something i’d also like to get paid to do.
surely, surely, there’s a way…
50 more pages.
i have HARRY POTTER to look forward to tomorrow, which should definitely start the week off right.
ok then, goodnight, get up right now and do something good for yourself. also, and i hate to sound all pollyanish, but it also feels good to do something nice for somebody else.
all right already,
grace.