i was going to be in bed, lights out, 45 minutes ago.
didn’t happen.
i was going to title this entry “therapists, theater and pasta.” but then i didn’t. i’m entering into the weird frame of mind that starts in when i’m seriously tired. i’m not going to burst into tears from fatigue or anything because i am actually lying in bed as i type, and i know i can just shut the computer at any time, which is comforting.
i didn’t break drop or lose anything today. well, i’m sure i dropped a bunch of things, but nothing that actually broke.
i got a lot done. and also not so much.
the lengthiest conversations i had today were with therapists. i’m not going to a therapist, you understand (but i do truly believe that everybody would be much better off and the world would be a much better place if we all went to therapists on a regular basis), but i suddenly have some friends who are therapists.
it’s funny, having conversations with them. because when i start going on and on about things, as i always do because i have little self-censoring capabilities when i’m talking to people, they say things that are just so…therapy-like. and this is nice, and interesting. i like the therapist perspective because they are quickly able to have very definite and intelligent-sounding opinions on things.
that’s not to say that christine doesn’t also have this ability. and also randy. randy, actually, has been especially good to talk to lately because i’ll go to his house and TELL HIM EVERYTHING AND WITH A GREAT DEAL OF VEHEMENCE, and he always knows just what to say to make me stop acting like a lunatic.
a lot of what he does is point out obvious things to me.
i like talking to my friend kurt about stuff, except that frequently he just starts talking about generalities in that guyspeak kind of way. last week i believe it was, or it must have been the week before, or even three weeks ago? but anyway i called him and was quite upset and he started going on and on about his various guy-theories, which were sort of…strident. i think it’s because he just enjoyed saying all this stuff, plus he’d been drinking quite a bit.
but after a while he finally said, “could you just be overreacting to the situation?” and i said, yes.
which in retrospect i believe i was.
see, i feel i’m not making that much sense anymore. i haven’t been drinking or anything, but i should definitely be asleep right now. i have many things to do tomorrow, including rehearsal tomorrow night.
rehearsal was interesting tonight. we did act two, which is the really difficult one, and we hadn’t done it since last tuesday or wednesday, and WAY WAY WAY too much time had passed, so of course we couldn’t remember all the blocking and everybody, i mean everybody, was frustrated and mad, to varying degrees.
i might have been the least mad person, actually. i don’t have to do as much as others in the play during the second act, and it was just kind of interesting to see how everybody handled things, which wasn’t so great. but also not so bad, considering that the night seemed to last about 14 hours. also, i was too tired to be mad, because although i felt i had boundless energy earlier in the day after running, by tonight i was sleepy and just wanted to go home and go to sleep.
that was three hours ago.
after rehearsal i was STARVING TO DEATH. i hadn’t eaten a lot all day, plus all that exercising, the problem is that i’m not hungry before rehearsal, at six o’clock. so i was COMPLETELY RAVENOUS when we were through, which is not good, and i went to randy’s because i knew he had made pasta, and so i ate mountains of it. mountains.
at least a small mountain.
it was quite delicious.
plus i ate at least three of his whiskey-filled chocolates that i’d given him for xmas. i gave him an assortment of alcohol-filled chocolates, but i’d already eaten most of the other ones, so i had to resort to whiskey. which isn’t so bad when it’s surrounded by chocolate. otherwise i don’t care for whiskey.
when i went running today i was thinking about millions and millions of things, but i kept saying to myself “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST SHUT UP AND ENJOY THE NICE WEATHER?”
i’m not a very good listener.
tomorrow is my first day of class for this sememster. i’m only taking one class, Contemporary American Novel, and it’s mostly online, and i have to remember to actually go online and look at the class tomorrow. i feel absolutely no enthusiasm about taking a class right now, because i want to focus on the play and on my business and on doing another gracetalk. but hopefully when it starts i’ll get enthusiastic. but i don’t know about taking a class that’s mostly online.
and now i sleep. i hope you made it through monday. if you got the day off, i hope you lounged around and did nothing. because that sounds really good, at least in theory.
ok then,
very early tuesday morning grace.