so last night i wrote that i was pretty sure today would be a regular monday.
so far it has been anything but. anything but.
weird. just don’t know what to think right now.
plus i’m not fully awake. although i have to say that last night i managed to NOT wake up for a two-hour stretch. this was refreshing.
it’s because i’m feeling calmer in general, i believe.
at least i feel quite calm right at the moment. but perhaps it’s just the fact that i’m nowhere near being fully awake.
it’s times like these that i sort of envy all you coffee drinkers out there. it would be nice (but only in theory) to have a warm cup of coffee which would help me feel actually like i’m awake.
but see, i don’t know if i’ve told you my coffee theory. besides the fact that i’m super-sensitive to caffeine, i have always resisted coffee because i hate the addiction aspect of it. the only thing i’m really addicted to in my life is food, and it wouldn’t be a good idea to give that up altogether. but so i hate the fact that when people don’t get their coffee they’re all surly and sullen and sleepy and get headaches. i don’t need a dependency like that.
and also, what if i was stranded on a desert island, with no coffee? i’d be surly/sullen/sleepy/headachy all the time.
so you see why i want no part of it.
it does make me feel a little left out, i’ll have to say. amy and jim and their fancy kinds of coffee beans that they roast themselves, people who have the ritual of going and getting some special kind of coffee at starbucks every morning, just the whole camaradie-aspect of coffee.
but then again, it’s the same thing with beer. not being part of the beer-loving club makes me an outsider there. no deep discussions for me about the merits of different kinds of exotic and delicious beers, while gulping down many large mugs of it in some bar somewhere.
ok really, this is also true for sports. everybody seems to be talking football now and to me they might as well be saying BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH, like the noise that adults make in charlie brown cartoons.
so i’m starting to see a definite pattern here. clearly, clearly, i feel like an outsider because I AM ONE. i don’t belong to any of the subgroupings which make up society.
none of them.
if i could start to like coffee/beer/sports, at least ONE of them, and i can’t think of one single person i’ve ever met who doesn’t at least like one, well then, my life would be more fulfilling, i’d have more friends, more true comrades in this struggle we call life.
but i do have to say that in the choice between coffee/beer/sports and NO c/b/s, i’m going to have to stick with the former. i’ll continue to make my way through the wilderness all alone. but it’s not so bad, i’ve been doing it this long and i only get lost occasionally.
and when the next big world crisis occurs and coffee production suddenly ceases and the breweries are shut down and sports teams all quit playing and go hide somewhere on a remote island…well, there has to be SOMEBODY who is unaffected by all of this to take charge.
me.
whew, suddenly that feels like an enormous responsibility. i’m definitely going to have a nap today in order to rest up for it.
ok then,
monday grace, full of thought.