On Sunday I decided to give church a try. I’ve been attempting to give all kinds of things a try lately, some of which I will not share with you here, but I thought that church might be uplifting in some way, it might help my heart which continues to race too fast too much of the time.
I thought I’d start with the Unitarian Church, because it seems non-threatening, and I know some people who go there and so it might be fun, as well as spiritually uplifting. My friend Lisa goes there.
I never went to church growing up, except we did go to the Unitarian Church up until I was about five, so my memory of it is pretty hazy. But I believe I’ve written about my lack of understanding of church, and I’ve gone to churches so infrequently (mostly just to wedding and funerals) that I haven’t gotten over feeling sort of uncomfortable, like I clearly don’t belong and don’t know what, exactly, the correct protocol is at church.
Sunday morning, service started at 10:30, I raced out of the house and got there by 10:25. I looked up at the great big sign, which read “services at 9:00 and 10:15.” Hmm, how odd. Lisa had told me it started at 10:30. How could she have gotten it wrong? Now, instead of arriving 5 minutes early, I was late. There were lots of cars in the lot, and I screeched to a halt and ran inside.
I slipped into the back pew and a woman came up to me and asked if it was my first time (I clearly look like a person who doesn’t go to church), and I said yes, and she gave me a little program. A guy sitting next to me smiled and said hi. Up on the stage, a guy was playing a guitar, with four backup singers. Three were women, and they were middle-aged and looked a little dowdy, but their singing was acceptable. Behind the group, the words to the song were projected, and people were singing along.
Near the front, I was pretty sure I saw Lisa. She seemed to be getting into the music, but I only decided this based on the back of her head.
I glanced at the program, and there was no listing of the itinerary. I thought churches always spelled out the stuff that went on. Hmm.
More singing. One of the backup singers spoke a little bit, and then singing. I realized they were singing a lot about Jesus and all that he did for us over the years, that kind of thing. Hmm, I didn’t think Unitarians were so wrapped up in Jesus. Also, there was a great big cross hanging near the projected words of the song. Hmm again.
And then, blood and body were passed around. Not having grown up going to church, the whole blood and body drinking and eating seems a little…macabre…to me. I can’t help it. Maybe if I was baptized and had a communion and indoctrination and whatever else it is that you have to do to be one of the congregation, I’d feel comfortable about the blood and body thing. I get the symbolism and all, but there’s just something about it.
Anyway, at this point, I realized that something was very, very wrong. I took a closer look at the program. In big letters it read LAKESIDE CHRISTIAN CHURCH.
This is how my life is. I’m not a flaky person, at least not in my own mind. I don’t rush into wrong churches. I’m actually a very thoughtful person, you can ask anybody who knows me really well, but sometimes…sometimes things happen beyond my control.
So, now what was I going to do? I thought maybe I’d just sit there and listen to the sermon, but like I said, it seemed like just singing. Plus, I’d hoped to see people I knew. Because isn’t that also a part of church, the whole fellowship thing? I’d like to have some fellowship with other human beings once in a while. I don’t go to an office every day and sit at a desk and have fellowship there, I don’t have a lot of structure to my days. Maybe that’s what I was searching for on Sunday morning.
I decided I had to flee. This is something I’ve always mastered, the art of fleeing. You may recall I fled across the country on more than one occasion, trying to run away from thoughts of some man or another. It has always worked quite well for me. Fleeing, I’m damn good at it.
But how to inconspicuously escape church?
Well, I was sitting in the back. I picked up my coat and rushed right out. A nice-looking man said, “have a good week” as I ran by. I smiled at him.
Whew. HOW do I manage to do things like this? How is it that I didn’t READ THE GREAT BIG SIGN at the front of the church, the one that listed the service times?
I passed a couple of other churches on my way to the Unitarian church, but I was all about the careful reading. I made it there by 10:45, only missed the very beginning.
I had to sign a guestbook, and they handed me a program and a hymnal. The program listed all the stuff that was going to happen. People were going up to the front asking for people to pray for others. I thought this was nice.
The church was pretty crowded, and I didn’t see Lisa, but I did see another woman I knew, with her boyfriend and a couple of children. But I sat by myself in the back and just listened and watched.
After the prayer requests, there was a very short talk to the children, and there seemed to be a lot of children. Then the kids left, and there was some singing. At some point there was also some of that chanting stuff, you know, when the minister says something, and then everybody chants in unison. I think I’ve written about this before, how it sort of creeps me out and makes me feel like I’m in a cult. They were saying Unitarian-speak, not like the hardcore religious stuff I’ve heard at other churches, but clearly it was the same kind of effect, everybody chanting in unison, droning on…
The minister then spoke for quite a while. Darwinism, Clarence Darrow, the other guy in the Scopes Trial. Both the lawyers were Unitarians, did you know that?
It was kind of interesting. My mind wandered (when does it not?), and I read my program and thought about sticking around afterwards for cookies and fellowship. The cookie part was tempting, but the fellowship would most likely involve trying to talk to people I didn’t know, and although sometimes this is totally OK for me, I was feeling a little rattled by all the running from church to church, plus trying to sing along with everybody.
Maybe I should try all the churches in Springfield, just for something new to do. This is pretty unlikely, though – if I decide I need to try church again, I’d like to try going to one more than once. To see if I could at least get to the point where it didn’t seem like some foreign land to me.
Afterwards, Mom and Randy and I went to the Cracker Barrel for a delicious breakfast. Usually we go to the Hen House, but we went there first and it smelled way too smoky. The Cracker Barrel is too franchised, too merchandise-packed, but the breakfast was mighty fine.
Whew.
I have many other things to say to you, but that’s all I have the energy for right now. I still haven’t told you about my audition at New Salem a couple of weeks ago, for example. But I’m going to get right on that.
Today I was talking to my friend Kurt, and his (very very lame) excuse for not keeping up with my writing here is that he alleges that he’d check it every day, and I wasn’t writing on it very consistently. I assured him that I’ve been VERY consistent lately, even though I’ve missed a few days just now. But we all need a little rest, huh?
Not that I was resting, at all. Just vacationing from the internet. Internet Vacation.
Ok already,
Grace (such a religious name for such a non-religious girl, although just today I gave a massage to a woman at the hospital and she said, “grace, what an appropriate name for you, doing this nice service.”)