last night at about 9:30\u00a0 kevin and i were sitting on the couch watching tv.\u00a0 we do this too much and must go out and seek more exciting things to do, but on the other hand it’s nice to sit after a day of standing.<\/p>\n
kevin, though, was falling asleep in a big way.\u00a0 this is not surprising because he had gotten up before six.\u00a0 i was flipping channels and turned to “the fly,” the 80’s version, starring jeff goldblum and geena davis.<\/p>\n
i’m pretty sure the grossness of the movie caused them to break up.<\/p>\n
GROSS.\u00a0 it had started at nine, and by this point in the film jeff had already gotten into the big pod thing and done the molecular transformation and there was a fly in there with him by mistake.\u00a0 jeff was really, really buff and raced around with his shirt off and kept putting spoonful after spoonful of sugar in his coffee.<\/p>\n
more sugar than even my dad puts in coffe, and he uses a really excessive amount.<\/p>\n
jeff was so full of energy, just like…a fly.\u00a0 geena started to get worried.\u00a0 since we didn’t see the beginning of the movie i didn’t learn anything about her character except that she was very very worried and became more and more tearful and whiny throughout.<\/p>\n
they had sex for hours and hours (we didn’t see that, just her being really tired afterwards and him wanting MORE MORE MORE.\u00a0 just like a fly), but then…he started to look not so good.\u00a0 he had a patch of very coarse…hairs? growing in the middle of his back.\u00a0 his face suddenly got blotchy, just like…a fly?\u00a0 no, more like a teenager with a bad case of acne.\u00a0 i don’t know why a fly’s face looks like a blotchy teenager, but i’m no scientist.\u00a0 i’m sure that under a microscope a fly looks just like that.\u00a0 red and splotchy.<\/p>\n
geena clipped a little bit of the “hair” from jeff’s back and took it somewhere to be analyzed.\u00a0 jeff went to a bar and arm-wrestled a guy and BROKE THE GUY’S ARM.\u00a0 but it wasn’t just a clean, simple thing, a snap…the bone was STICKING OUT OF THE ARM in a very bloody way.\u00a0 jeff left with a sleazy woman very quickly after the break.<\/p>\n
after that, it just got more and more gross.\u00a0 instead of just red and splotchy, jeff had more and more elaborate and bad-looking puffy makeup and prosthetics all over his face, and geena came to visit – she just kept coming back for more, hanging around, getting freaked out, weeping – and he was weak and she hugged him and his EAR FELL OFF.\u00a0 and he peeled off his fingernail with a lot of crunching sounds.\u00a0 and then he scrabbled around in a doughnut box and finally picked one up even though it was very difficult to do because of his ever-more-deformed hands, and then he THREW UP ON IT and geena, of course, was disgusted and he said ‘that’s gross, isn’t it”<\/p>\n
gross.\u00a0 he kept all his body parts that fell off in the medicine cabinet. he put his teeth in there, and it was filled with his ear and a bunch of other bloody stuff including something that looked like his liver or something and i’m surprised they didn’t show that falling out.\u00a0 after being really sickly and looking he was going to die, he was suddenly full of energy. fly resurrected.\u00a0 he could climb up the walls, of course.\u00a0 i kept expecting geena to come back and see him buzzing all around with big wings, but that didn’t happen.<\/p>\n
he did get REALLY gross, though, and his body was one big bodysuit that was all red and puffy and wouldn’t a fly’s body be green?\u00a0 i’m just saying.\u00a0 you could still see his eyes under the very large puffy mask, but his hair was just a few whispy clumps and he was just so lumpy and gross.\u00a0 geena kept on hugging him, though, and she was pregnant with his…fly child…and she had a dream that she was trying to have an abortion and the doctor pulled out a great big…fly embryo.\u00a0 GROSS.\u00a0 and really ridiculous.<\/p>\n
she decided she didn’t want a fly baby after all so she was going to have an abortion for real and some guy who i don’t know exactly his relationship to her, a friend who was in love with her, is my guess, he picked her up at jeff’s loft apartment, and jeff, crouching on the rooftop, heard geena say she wanted an abortion, so when she was in the hospital about to have it done he came SMASHING through the floor-to-ceiling window and carried her off.<\/p>\n
by this point he was really crazy, besides being repulsive to look at and i told kevin that if i had bad dreams about it i’d be mad at him, and jeff’s idea was that geena would get in one molecular changing machine, jeff would get in another, and a third melded being would emerge from the third one.\u00a0 i didn’t know he had three of these machines, but maybe he built a couple more with all of his fly energy – he was constantly wolfing down chocolate bars and sugary goodies throughout which reminds me of me.\u00a0 except for the TOTALLY GROSS aspect, plus throwing up on\u00a0 the food before eating it.<\/p>\n
jeff was really excited about this fusing of their bodies and i thought that would make an interesting sequel – it’d be a man-woman-baby-fly.<\/p>\n
but no, and this is when it got really ridiculous – the other man came in with a big shotgun and jeff jumped down on him from the ceiling and threw up ACID all over his hand and his hand MELTED into a big pulpy bloody mess.\u00a0 the guy was, naturally, very upset, and was writhing around on the floor but also trying to get at the gun with his foot and jeff jumped on him and threw up again, on his foot, and more melting, bloody grossness that i didn’t even watch because it was just too sickening.<\/p>\n
geena grabs jeff, or maybe she just wants to tearfully hug him again, or i think she was pushing him away – she grabs his face and his entire jaw falls off and lands with a PLOP on the floor.\u00a0 jeff, as you can imagine, is very upset about this, but you can’t really see him inside all the oozing mask stuff anymore anyway.\u00a0 at this point his even more fly-like body parts all start popping out from beneath the rubbery deformed red layer.\u00a0 still not bright green, though.\u00a0 maybe a red fly is scarier than a green one?\u00a0 a green one might imply some kind of environmental friendliness, maybe?<\/p>\n
i can’t remember if all of this is the exact sequence of events because it was such a festival of grossness, but i’m sure that even if you’ve seen the movie, you can’t remember the precise order anyway.<\/p>\n
jeff, much more like a fly now, shoves geena into a pod, climbs into another one, and the whole thing is about to go down.\u00a0 the other guy is missing one hand and one foot, so you’d think he is pretty much toast at this point, right?\u00a0 geena is cowering in one of the pods, jeff gets in another one, but right as the transformation is about to take place, the guy manages to STAND UP, which is really a big stretching of the suspension of disbelief, and he manages to aim the gun WITH HIS NUBBY STUMP OF A HAND, and and he BLASTS the door of jeff’s pod.<\/p>\n
the computer, which jeff has been using all along, a giant, 80’s style contraption, says that the module-jeff transformation is complete.\u00a0 so now jeff climbs out of the pod only now he’s REALLY REALLY REALLY a fly.<\/p>\n
except still not green.<\/p>\n
but he has a long slimy tail and once again, i guess you can only see a fly’s long slimy tail under a microscope.<\/p>\n
then, one last time, geena blubbers as she’s holding a shotgun on him, but she can’t do it because SHE LOVES THAT SWEET FLY.\u00a0 but jeff picks up the end of the gun with his now giant pincer hands and holds it up to his head.<\/p>\n
blub blub blubbering, geena finally pulls the trigger.<\/p>\n
bye bye fly.<\/p>\n
kevin tells me that in the original movie, a key thing was that since jeff merged with the fly, the fly also merged with jeff, and at the end there’s a little fly caught in a spider web and the fly has a human head and one arm and it squeaks “help me” and the actress smashes him with a rock.\u00a0 i bet she didnd’t blubber nearly as much as geena.<\/p>\n
and i guess they didn’t introduce the whole tiny fly-man aspect in the newer version of the movie because they were trying to focus on the TOTALLY GROSS aspect of the thing.\u00a0 which they did an excellent job of.<\/p>\n
kevin says that geena kept the baby and that’s why there was “fly 2,” but he didn’t see that one.\u00a0\u00a0 i don’t think i’ll add it to our netflix queue.<\/p>\n
hmm, what are the odds that a new version of “the fly” is in the works?\u00a0 3-D Fly? you betcha.<\/p>\n
ok then,<\/p>\n
friday morning grace.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
last night at about 9:30\u00a0 kevin and i were sitting on the couch watching tv.\u00a0 we do this too much and must go out and seek more exciting things to do, but on the other hand it’s nice to sit after a day of standing. kevin, though, was falling asleep in a big way.\u00a0 this […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[66,67],"class_list":["post-4127","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-grossness","tag-movies"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6JLYy-14z","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/graceuncensored.com\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4127","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/graceuncensored.com\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/graceuncensored.com\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/graceuncensored.com\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/graceuncensored.com\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4127"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/graceuncensored.com\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4127\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/graceuncensored.com\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4127"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/graceuncensored.com\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4127"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/graceuncensored.com\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4127"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}