i just looked at the last entry, and it was monday night and i thought, “oh, monday night, so long ago…” However, as i\u2019m sure you\u2019re aware, monday night was just LAST NIGHT.<\/p>\n
i should be sleeping right now. it\u2019s almost one. but the finale kept going through my head, it\u2019s “wand\u2019rin\u2019 star.” and the thing is, we just found out that we have to sing this for the finale, so the women have to learn the words. that is, we were supposed to have ALREADY learned the words. <\/p>\n
so over in my head it\u2019s been, “i was born…under a wanderin\u2019 star…” but then i don\u2019t remember the rest of the words. <\/p>\n
we\u2019re going to all get into VERY VERY BIG TROUBLE if we don\u2019t know the words. and some of us women don\u2019t. but here\u2019s a trick i told a couple of them: you just open your mouth really wide and look very enthusiatic as you pretend to sing. it totally works. as long as you smile and open your mouth wide, nobody will know. eddie izzard, my favorite comic who is a genius and i hope you know who he is and if you don\u2019t you need to find out, does a very funny thing about this very thing, about how you can sing the national anthem but not know the words, as long as you look enthusiastic.<\/p>\n
but i want to learn the lines anyway. so here there are, the tricky ones – “When i learned to talk the word they taught me was \u2019good bye;\u2019 that and \u2019where\u2019s my hat\u2019 are all i\u2019ll need until i die. achin\u2019 for to stop and always achin\u2019 for to go; searchin\u2019 but for what i never will know…”<\/p>\n
that\u2019s the trickiest part. but maybe because i typed it out, i\u2019ll know it.<\/p>\n
you\u2019ll have to come to the show so you can try to see if i\u2019m really singing, or just mouthing the words. i bet you won\u2019t be able to tell.<\/p>\n
ok, here\u2019s my tragedy for the day – i lost my glasses. i hope they\u2019re in erica\u2019s car, but i suddenly decided that they\u2019re probably not there, because i didn\u2019t dump my purse out in her car.<\/p>\n
however, as we were walking to the car after rehearsal, i groped around in my purse for a flashlight, and i know my glasses case was right on top. and so it could have easily fallen on the ground…and we were walking on the roadway.<\/p>\n
so now i\u2019m certain that i\u2019ll get up in the morning to the sad message from erica that my glasses aren\u2019t in her car. and then, even sadder, i\u2019ll get to new salem, and there will be my glasses case, flat as a pancake, having been run over countless times by tomorrow night.<\/p>\n
i\u2019m lost without my glasses. right now i\u2019m wearing an old (and very ugly) pair, and they\u2019re too strong and they\u2019re already giving me a headache. <\/p>\n
so now i\u2019ll have to get a new pair (i\u2019ve already given up hope of ever seeing the other ones again), and it will cost a million dollars and it\u2019ll take a long time to get them and in the meantime i\u2019ll have a headache all the time or i\u2019ll try to wear my contacts but they will be painful because they usually are.<\/p>\n
ok, trying to think of SOMETHING good tonight…<\/p>\n
actually, i was lying in bed thinking about how a person sleeps. i always sleep on the left side of the bed. since i sleep all by myself in this big bed, why don\u2019t i just sleep smack dab in the middle? wouldn\u2019t that be more comfortable, in the middle, all that room, no danger of accidentally rolling over and falling right out of bed (i\u2019ve never done this, which is quite a feat for me)?<\/p>\n
in my life there have been various other people (only one at a time) sharing a bed with me, and i think i\u2019ve always slept on the left side. but there have been long stretches when i\u2019ve slept by myself, and surely, surely, i must have slept in the middle some of that time, instead of crowding over on the left side.<\/p>\n
and then i started thinking about all the other people who sleep alone – do more people sleep in the middle, or on one side? or do they mix it up? and if you sleep in the middle, does that mean you\u2019re happy about your freedom and space and not having to share a bed with somebody who may or may not snore and keep you awake? or does it mean that you\u2019re resigned to sleeping alone?<\/p>\n
and if you sleep on one side or the other, does that mean you\u2019ve just been conditioned to do that, or does it mean that you hope to share a bed with somebody again someday, and so you want to keep in practice? and if you\u2019re doing that, is that a pathetic thing, or a hopeful thing?<\/p>\n
and THEN i started thinking about my mood earlier in the day, which was not particularly good. right now i\u2019m feeling kind of OK about life, but earlier, i was in a much different place. i wonder at how i\u2019m able to look at my life right now, the very same identical life i had earlier in the day, and how now things seem entirely different to me. <\/p>\n
so really, what everything seems to come down to is perspective. i mean, tonight when i got in erica\u2019s car to go to rehearsal, i\u2019m sure i sounded like a mental patient, so woeful and full of woe and woe-ness was i. but when we drove home, the wind blowing our very ratty-looking hair because it was up in big wigs all night, i was darn happy.<\/p>\n
it\u2019s surely because we got to sing and dance “hand me down that can o\u2019 beans.” <\/p>\n
ok, this is why i should be asleep, too much thinking about things.<\/p>\n
that, plus the fact that i have to GET UP in the morning, YET AGAIN, and i\u2019m going to be tired. perhaps i\u2019ll have time for a nap.<\/p>\n
hey, we did get through the entire show tonight, which was quite a big deal. it was kind of touch and go there for a while, but we made it, just barely. i had been thinking that maybe we\u2019d have to end the show at intermission, or somewhere randomly in the second act, because it was going to run too long. they\u2019re VERY VERY VERY STRICT at new salem about how late a show can run. VERY VERY STRICT. which is good so we can get home at a “decent” hour, but not so good for the running of the show. which had better KEEP MOVING, or we won\u2019t finish in time and then you\u2019ll never see how it ends up…and, more importantly, you won\u2019t get to witness my singing in the finale, to see if i\u2019m really singing or not…<\/p>\n
ok, i\u2019m attempting sleep yet again. boy, i\u2019m going to be surly and tired in the morning.<\/p>\n
but i know i don\u2019t HAVE to be surly and tired. well, not surly, anyway. i could, instead, choose to be happy to be alive, or something like that. <\/p>\n
that\u2019s easy to say now, but morning grace will probably have none of it.<\/p>\n
ok then,<\/p>\n
grace in need of maybe a nice glass of wine to make me sleep soon.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
i just looked at the last entry, and it was monday night and i thought, “oh, monday night, so long ago…” However, as i\u2019m sure you\u2019re aware, monday night was just LAST NIGHT. i should be sleeping right now. it\u2019s almost one. but the finale kept going through my head, it\u2019s “wand\u2019rin\u2019 star.” and the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_hide_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_featured_image_duplicate_dismissed":0,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-183","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6JLYy-2X","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/graceuncensored.com\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/183","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/graceuncensored.com\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/graceuncensored.com\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/graceuncensored.com\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/graceuncensored.com\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=183"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/graceuncensored.com\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/183\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/graceuncensored.com\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=183"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/graceuncensored.com\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=183"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/graceuncensored.com\/WordPress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=183"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}