oh boy. earlier i asked kevin if this fencing tournament would cause me to cry, and he assured me that it wouldn’t.

we didn’t discuss crying before it even begins. the tears may begin to well any moment.

perhaps i’m overly-tired.

in fencing tournaments, everybody wears white knickers, and they seem to be some kind of polyester. besides having to fence in a fencing tournament, the thought of white polyester knickers were a huge deterrent.

tomorrow. white knickers.

problem is, of course, that there’s no place to buy white fencing knickers here in spfld.

so instead we went to dick’s sporting goods where i tried on some unbelievably unflattering softball knickers. both mens and boys sizes. the boys size (large) were just too tight. the mens size (medium) were both baggy and tight, with each bit of clingy fabric highlighting any slight ripple i might have in my thighs.

can any woman think of a worse fashion nightmare?

kevin said i should get the mens pair, so we got them and rushed home, because amy and jim were coming for dinner. i described my ensemble to them, and they wanted to see it.

i tried it on.


skin tight. i can’t move enough in them to fence. not to mention fairly see-through.

i’m tired, we had a busy fencing class today, plus lots of running around, i’m ready to go to sleep.

but no, now we’re going to meier, which is open 24 hours and they assured me they do have mens softball knickers.

have i mentioned that it’s really cold and incredibly windy here today? the LAST DAY of shitty weather, or at least that’s what i’m counting on.

so if you see a woman softly sobbing and she shuffles through the men’s sporting section of meier later tonight, that’s not a bag lady (not yet anyway), that’s just me.

oh yeah, and with the knickers you wear long white socks. and most people have fancy expensive fencing tennis shoes. i’m wearing a pair of black converse.

a vision. truly, i’ll be a vision.

perhaps the sight of me will distract the other fencers.

am i really going to go through with this? do i have a choice now? kevin is busily modifying two foils, because you have to have a backup foil. i keep praying that he’ll run into an unsolvable problem, thereby making it impossible for me to go.

one moment of weakness today, i said i’d do it, and now…doomed.