erica suggested that i have my own TV show with the above title.

sunday morning, i went to amy’s two workout classes, weightlifting and “cardio jam” which is like zumba only it’s better, with amy’s own choreography.  the classes started at 8:45 and we were done by 10:30 and that’s a lot of exercise on a sunday morning.

but i felt really good and energized for some reason, and when i got home i had so much energy, and started watering the plants on the front porch.

kevin keep telling me that we don’t need to have plant saucers outside, because they attract mosquitoes.  i noticed that one of my giant spike plants had an plant saucer that was full of water, so i picked up the huge pot and set it down, and emptied the plant saucer and start to shove the pot back into place..

and then, OW!  WHAT WAS THAT!  and again, OW!  OW!  OOOOWWWWW!

it was scary and so painful, and i realized that i was being attacked by bees.

i ran screaming into the house, and kevin jumped up to help me kill the dozen or so bees that followed me in and were still stinging away.

awful.and they weren’t bees, they were yellow jackets.  unlike bees, yellow jackets can keep stinging and stinging and stinging you, over and over, and that’s what they did.  we mixed up some baking soda and water and smeared it over me – all over my hands, down my legs, and a lot of them on my butt.

it hurt soooo bad…the poison ivy that was finally going away was a walk in the park compared to the pain of these wasp stings.

my hands and fingers were so swollen, and kevin started giving me a rainbow of drugs – advil, tylenol, an allegra – plus i’d already been taking oral steroids for the poison ivy.

some of the poison ivy that had almost gone away suddenly swelled up.

i was not a pretty sight.

i laid down on the living room rug and kevin and amy, who had rushed over to help, put ice packs on my butt, with packs on both my hands.

not a really good sunday.

my left wrist didn’t sting, but it was a pain like i’d been hit really hard.

i reclined on the couch, lying on ice packs, which was messy and wet.  i dreaded the thought of going to sleep, because i couldn’t stand to remove the ice for any length of time.

finally, i tried sleeping on the couch at one in the morning, and for some reason i only had one ice pack for both hands, so when the clock chimed every 15 minutes, i’d switch it from one hand to the other.

jim had bought a huge bag of ice because they used all the ice in our ice maker.  i guess i thought that the ice maker would have an infinite amount of ice, just making it on demand as long as you wanted.

nope.when jim brought in the bag, i said we’d have to have a party, because there was no way we’d use all of that.

it’s almost all gone now.

after a couple of miserable hours on the couch i decided it would have to be more comfortable in bed.  amy had brought over a big waterproof tarp thing, so i covered my side of the bed with that, and arranged my ice packs and climbed in.

it was a little better, but not the best night’s sleep i’ve had.

yesterday i decided to go to the doctor since i wasn’t much better.  my doctor is on vacation, so i saw his assistant.  he tried to count the number of stings, but when he looked at the multiple layers on my butt, he realized the futility of that.

i’m so happy that so many people have gotten a look at my rear.  on a good day, it’s not something that i want anybody to see, but covered in huge welts, such a sight.

he said it was good that i was already taking the oral steroid, and he prescribed a strong painkiller.

drugs are good.

last night i slept better, but in the middle of the night it was chilly in the room and i’d been sleeping on an ice pack covered with a towel, and it was damp, and my sheet was wet, and i hated the whole thing, so i threw all the stuff off the bed.  i took more drugs and managed to get back to sleep, resting my hands on an ice pack.

oh boy.  this morning i seemed a lot better, but then i realized i wasn’t really so much better because all the drugs were wearing off.  more drugs!

but at least now i can type, and i don’t have to keep ice on my hands all the time.  i keep thinking about how my dad broke both his wrists a few years ago, and both his hands were all bandaged up and i don’t know how he managed.

amy brought me a pepperidge farm chocolate cake, and my sweet neighbor bernice brought me a big slab of chocolate cake and amy kept saying “cake is medicine.”

cake and drugs, an excellent combination.

for some reason, all summer i’ve been thinking of the saganaki they serve in a greek booth at the fair.  it’s grilled cheese served with a wedge of lemon, and i love it.  the fair is going on right now, and we were going to go today, but of course that’s not happening.

hopefully i’ll be better in time to get me some saganaki.  plus of course i’ll be sad if i miss the fair.

kevin says the yellow jackets had burrowed down into the soil around the plant, because it was so huge, and they’re really active and aggressive right now.

i can attest to that.

here’s a picture of the plant – i bought it a few years ago and it was only about 6 inches tall, but i kept bringing it in over the winter, and now it’s a monster.

kevin has been spraying yellow jackets with wasp spray – they continue to buzz around the plant, but not as much as they were on sunday.

his plan is to put on his beekeeping suit (OF COURSE kevin has a beekeeping suit!!!), and cover the plant with a plastic bag and carry it down to the lake and submerge it.  this will drown all the yellow jackets.

i’m a little nervous about this, because kevin only has vision in the one eye right now and the yellow jackets probably won’t be too keen on being covered with a plastic bag.  but kevin assures me it’ll all go well.

here’s the plant, and it’s a terrible picture because i took it through the window, but you better believe i’m not getting anywhere near it!

whew.  last summer was all about emotional agony, and it’s been replaced with pain of a physical nature this year.

what will next year bring?  ebola everywhere, maybe?

so i guess the lesson is that it IS important to eat lots of chocolate cake, because who knows what tomorrow will bring.

ok then,

mrs. Highly Philosophical Hughes.