no tears today. pretty much.

the week has been fairly crazy.

my computer is very very bad again, and now it’s being fixed. it’s very strange to go home and have no computer. how am i supposed to write in the middle of the night? last night i wrote in my journal, but the problem with that is that frequently i go back and read what i’ve written and i CAN’T READ MY OWN WRITING. i do my best to be legible, but it just doesn’t work out.

so, classes…whew. i was pretty upset having NO COMPUTER, because i on tuesday afternoon I found out that the class i was going to have on tuesday night was going to be online most of the time, and i didn’t know how to do the school online technology and i didn’t know how to log in and i was fairly hysterical most of the day. i finally came to the university (where i am now, and where they have approximately one million computers sitting around, but not that many people actually using them) and logged on and got the syllabus for the class.

i dropped it. well, i haven’t dropped it yet, but i’m about to. i sort of felt like a failure doing this, because it means i’ll only have two classes (eight hours) of class this semester instead of three, and i wanted to be FULLY FULL TIME. but realistically, there was no way i could have read all the required reading for that class plus my other two classes, and also have my two jobs and have time to live and sleep (when sleep actually occurs, which it hasn’t been so much this whole week and i’m getting sick of it).

so after i made the decision to drop the one class, i felt a little less anxious. tonight i had playwriting class, and i want to START WRITING A PLAY. first i have to read a book about it, and i have to get my computer back and then i’m going to start right in.

the professor did mention that maybe we could have our plays put on in our community – community theater – and it could be off or ON broadway. so i’m glad he said that, because then it’s not just me with the insane idea of wanting to be a successful author of some kind.

did i ever tell you about when my sort-of agent in LA was really excited about a screenplay i’d written, and told me he was going to sell it for a million dollars? i didn’t sleep a lot then, either. since that didn’t happen, at least i’m more realistic about things like that.

anyway, the girl next to me in class tonight was drawing a picture in her notebook. it was some kind of dragon, i think, like i’ve seen kids draw before. was she actually only twelve? perhaps.

i have many state fair photos from last year which i want to show you, but NO COMPUTER RIGHT NOW.

my friend erica is also have a rocky first week of school. unpleasant things.

fortunately, tomorrow is friday, although i don’t know how that happened. theoretically i’m going camping this weekend, which should theoretically be relaxing and fun. (never getting hopes up about anything anymore ever again, i promise). last night i finished my first homework, which included reading lysistrata, although i should re-read it before class to try to get a deeper grasp. i didn’t care for it so much; the greek chorus seemed just annoying, and i had a hard time trying to visualize what was going on.

for my other play calss, i’m going to read Six Characters in Search of an Author. I’m going to be SO immersed in plays! exciting. even though at the same time i think, am i actually pursuing something SERIOUS and SCHOLARLY here, is this the right thing to do? all i know is it’s what i want to do, which should count for something, although i must think about the big picture – about the prospect of NOT being a successful playwright, and therefore instead teaching, so i need to think about how to actually take the right things so i can then teach.

all will become clear, i’m sure. and in the meantime, right now, i’m liking school so far.

no more tears.

if you know erica, ask her about the photos of cleaning products on the door. i feel it would betray her confidence to share the story with you here, but it’s quite fascinating, and i’m sure she’d be glad to tell you.

i must go home and read some more.

ok then,

grace in school.