since it’s now 3:59 a.m., i guess it’s maybe technically more like really really early morning.  i know that there are crazy people out there who get up at four a.m.  i thought i saw the lights of a boat going by about 15 minutes ago, so i got up to see, but maybe it was just a car.

winnie desperately needed some food, since i was getting up anyway.  kevin and mollie are still fast asleep.

so why am i up in the middle of the night?  i woke up feeling anxious, but it’s not any kind of feeling that i can even pin down.  there’s no reason for feeling anxious, and when i was lying there in bed i couldn’t even think up something trivial to blow all out of proportion.  well, i’m probably getting a tooth implant to fill the huge gap left by having my newly-crowned tooth pulled because it suddenly hurt more than anything in my life.  i won’t have an actual new tooth till next july, and meanwhile, in a month they’ll cut open a flap of my gum to push the low-hanging sinus up so that they can then insert some bigass metal screw up there.

yeah, it sounds kind of grim, doesn’t it?  amy keeps pointing out that what if something goes wrong with the pushing up of the gum.  what if they puncture the gum?  will my sinuses all ooze out into my mouth, and then i’ll have lost all my sinuses?  ok, probably that won’t happen, maybe it’s not technically medically possible, but if they did puncture the gum, wouldn’t that hurt like hell?  i had so much pain from the rotting tooth before they pulled it, so i don’t want any pain from the gum above the tooth.   some friend of mom’s had the procedure done and the gum-puncturing ensued and i’m really not interested.

but i don’t know, i actually think amy is more worried about it than me.  i wonder if she’s lying in bed tossing and turning right now.  i’d text her, but if she is, by some miracle, sound asleep, the noise of the text would probably wake her up and that would be bad.  plus i’d have to turn on a light to do the texting, and this bright glare from the computer is almost more than i can stand.

i think i’m hungry, but there’s definitely nothing i’m interested in eating right now, at 4:19.  4:19!  i really need to get back to sleep.  i’ve been awake since three, and kevin and i want to ride our bikes downtown to the farmer’s market in the morning and we can’t wait around all morning while i sleep in because of being up for hours.  i guess it would really be kevin waiting around, wondering why i’m sleeping so long.  and also, realistically, even if i’m awake for a while more now, i’m not going to be able to sleep very late anyway.

boy, my hands look old by the light of the keyboard.  now THERE’S something i could get all worked up about, looking older and older and older, not to mention actually getting older…but nah, that’s not enough to worry me right now.

ok, clearly, there’s no reason at all to be up right now.

i’m going back to sleep.

after i read a couple news stories online, i swear i’ll only read one or two, definitely no more than three…

ok ok ok already,

really really early saturday morning grace.