last night at play practice, a friend said to me, “tomorrow will be better, and then the next day after that will be even better…”
but today is tomorrow, it’s actually about to be yesterday, and i don’t see better on the horizon anytime soon. if she wasn’t my good friend and trying desperately to cheer me up, i’d have slapped her. if i ever slapped anybody, which i haven’t. too bad i’m not a getting angry kind of person, it seems anger would be easier to live with.
actually, one time i did hit a boyfriend. we were in washington d.c., driving near the capitol, he was driving, we’d spent the afternoon looking for a place to live. he’d moved out there before me and looked around, and i was out to visit before actually moving, and he told me he didn’t think he wanted me to move in with him, after all (we’d been living together in springfield for a while before this). i was so outraged and surprised that i hit him, which of course was not such a good idea, especially in traffic.
instead of hitting him, i should have stayed in springfield.
?
hard to say, and i really try to not spend undue time regretting every single thing i’ve ever done in my life. we ended up living together again, and then breaking up again, and getting back together and breaking up…shouldn’t this have been a very, very good learning experience for me? at any one of those times when he broke up with me, why didn’t i say, enough is enough? Uncle? I get the message – YOU DON’T LOVE ME.
but no, i can’t regret things. but WHY don’t i learn? if a man breaks up with you, he’s saying he doesn’t want to be with you. if he breaks up with you more than once, he doesn’t want to be with you AND you’re a fool because you somehow thought that in getting back together you could make things magically work out.
things don’t work out. this is the lesson here, and i’m a very very poor student.
boy, i’m tired.
grace