what’s that noise, you say?

friday night, it was the sound of my phone falling INTO THE TOILET.


oh, god.

you’d think it would have been more of a “plop” or a little “splash,”  but it was a definite hard-sounding “clunk.”

“uh oh,” i thought, “that doesn’t sound like the phone hitting the tile floor. ”

i had it in my back pocket WARNING: NEVER EVER KEEP YOUR PHONE IN YOUR BACK POCKET and a few times it has tried to slide on out so WHY HADN’T I LEARNED MY LESSON BEFORE???

ok then, lesson learned.

i got out of the stall and proceeded to take the phone apart, wiping it off as i went, saying to myself, “eww, gross, i’m wiping off PEE.”

wipe wipe wipe; it’s a slide phone with a qwerty keyboard and it slides two ways, so slide slide slide, but there were still water…that is to say, PEE droplets on it when i’d slide it back.  it seemed dry after a good long time but then i started shaking it, SHAKING OUT THE PEE.

shake shake shake…shake shake shake…shake your peeee, shake your peeee (sung to the tune of “shake your booty”).

i tried turning it on and finally managed to reach kevin who said TURN IT OFF YOU’LL SHORT IT OUT, so i did, only after reading a text from randy that said WHERE ARE YOU, QUITER?

he meant quitter, cause i was in the bathroom not so much because i was dying to pee, but because i was bored at ricky’s show because it was clearly going to last several days.

of course i couldn’t text him back.  amy also sent me a long text, but i couldn’t reply, and because texting is her #1 means of communication i probably won’t hear from her very much till i get me new phone.

THERE IS A BOAT ZOOMING BY RIGHT NOW.  a fishing boat, but a few minutes ago there was a pontoon boat going really fast.  the boats are OUT, and i wish i’d nagged kevin more vigorously about taking our broken boat motor to be fixed many months ago so it’d be fixed by now.  we could be in the boat right now!  last summer it was in very early, i think the beginning of may, but then it quickly broke and wasn’t back in the water til june.  but even if it takes a month, we could still have it in by may….if it’s fixable.  if not…well, kayaking is fun. and kevin will, i’m sure, be falling off his sail board many more times before he’s mastered it.

anyway, i went back into ricky’s show on friday night and told randy that i’d dropped my phone in the toilet and ever since then he calls me and says DID YOU THROW ANYTHING IN THE TOILET TODAY? A SHOE, MAYBE?

so far, no.

i was hoping the phone would miraculously fix itself, and people keep saying to put it in rice but i haven’t tried that but kevin has it down in the basement next to a de-humidifier, but in the meantime, i spent most of saturday morning trying to select a new phone.

THERE ARE TOO MANY PHONE CHOICES.  i don’t want internet on the phone because i don’t need it, which kind of limited my choices since many many of the selections were iphones, but there are still lots of phones to choose from.  amy told me, approximately 126 times in an hour, “look the phones up on CNET.COM to see reviews,” so i did that, and then we did that together.

the thing is, because i am very good at dropping and breaking my phones, i have insurance.  bright and early saturday morning i bounded out of bed and was going to get a replacement phone at the AT&T store, but the lady at the store said i had to call the toll-free number of the insurance carrier to get my phone.

this involved calling on kevin’s phone and i hate kevin’s phone because i still can’t figure it out, and now he’s going to get a new phone too, but anyway, i got a text from amy that said DON’T GET ANYTHING YET, and she told me all kinds of stuff about my insurance that i didn’t know about – did you know that if you have insurance, you can make one claim in 12 months, but then if you make another claim, they drop you for 12 months?  plus there’s a $50 deductible you have to pay when getting your replacement.

plus i was eligible for an upgraded phone, so it was actually a better deal to do that, which means that i can break the new phone which hasn’t even arrived yet one time during the next 12 months, BUT NOT TWO TIMES.

amy is an authority on phone insurance because she has broken her phones maybe as much as me, although it never seems that she’s as vocal about it.

i’m using mom’s old phone right now, which has an incredibly annoying ring, but i don’t feel like changing it because my new one should be here today.

for some reason, i had all my phone numbers stored on the phone, not the SIM card, so now i have NO CONTACTS, and there are many that are probably lost forever unless kevin can dry out the phone enough to transfer the numbers.

i know there was a very good reason why i saved the numbers on the phone instead of the SIM; maybe you couldn’t see the photo ID when it’s on the sim; but so now i’m contact-less.  i’m not really stressed out about it, though, because what’s the point of that?  won’t do any good.

phone in toilet.  while peeing.  this is how my weekend started.

here’s a picture i took last week – this deer looks a lot bigger to me than our usual pack that comes through at dusk.

here i suppose he’s saying HEY!  WHO ARE YOU?  PREDATOR???

but i like to think he’s saying, instead, “hey!  do you have anything else besides corn and bird seed?  i’d love a piece of butter cake.”

did i mention that i made a butter cake for the birds?  i found a butter cake mix in the pantry that had expired in 2009 so i mixed some water in with the mix, no eggs, and baked it.  it smelled great, and i broke it up and put it out with the bird food.  i tried a little bit and it tasted perfectly fine, which shows you how many preservatives they put in that stuff – it would probably actually be good for 10 more years.  one day i let winnie out and he was happily gulping up the butter cake.  no wonder he’s so large.

there was a full moon saturday night but i forgot to look out because i was gone, but it was mighty big last night, too.  hard to capture its hugeness with the camera.

it’s going to be really warm again today, so lots of yard work and stuff, which means i’ll have to take a break from zombie-killing.  i was really hoping the warm weather would banish all thoughts of killing them, but so far it hasn’t.

ok then, just remember, DON’T DROP YOUR PHONE IN THE TOILET,

mrs. monday hughes.