i woke up at 4:17, tossing and turning, and finally decided to get up for a while. why not? well, because i’d only been asleep for about five hours, that’s why not. i was hoping for a good, interrupted 9-10 hours of sleep last night. i don’t know why i keep deluding myself that something like this is actually possible, but i have this deep optimistic core of my being that usually does me wrong. one time i said i’m an optimistis pessimist, but there’s this retarded part of me that keeps telling me that things will work out all right. this despite the fact that this nutty optimistic self has been proven totally wrong time and time again. why can’t i learn, ever?

i called the woman who wrote to the IT wondering where I’d gone. I said i’d been fired. She expressed her sorrow, then said, hopefully, “do you still have the boyfriend?” I get asked that way too much. I said, nope, he broke up with me. She was very nice, and talked a lot about that whole “things can’t get worse” stuff.

i’m sure life will look more sunny after i sleep for as long as i can, and get up again.

see, there’s that damn optimism creeping up behind me again. damnitall. please just go back to sleep, miss smith.

good night.

grace smith