Jul. 29, 2005

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FRIDAY excitement [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 11:20 am
this morning i called UIS again, and they had the nerve to tell me that they just received my transcript from the U of I in champaign TODAY.

even though they sent it over a month ago. and then they sent them another one because they couldn’t find the first one.

very, very, VERY lame.

but i’m sure it will be sorted out - on to important news -

my friend jerri had a baby last night! lucy gallileo. brendan and jerri adore the name gallileo, and that’s what they wanted her first name to be. although it certainly is a nice name, and quite unusual, i’m pretty sure that lucy will be quite happy that gallileo is her middle name, instead. CONGRATULATIONS, JERRI AND BRENDAN.

ok, not good news - christine broke her nose last night! because she fainted. she shouldn’t be fainting. if you know her, please feel free to contact christine and hassle her about taking care of herself and not breaking anything anymore.

i’m off to davenport now, and i’m excited about the race. i wish i was doing it right NOW, as a matter of fact. last year it took me 73 minutes, i think, and this year i want to shave quite a bit of time off that. and, more importantly, i don’t want to be in TREMENDOUS PAIN for the last 20 or so minutes of the race, like i was last time.

because this is my second Bix, i’m going to get a pin. and then i get another pin after doing it for five years. but i’m not counting on that, no planning ahead, just excited about racing tomorrow!

ok then,

grace happy on friday.


Jul. 28, 2005

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thursday! [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 10:43 am
where is the summer going? i feel like it’s slipping away much, much too quickly. last night my brother, david, said he was looking forward to fall. i shuddered. fall is ok, but it always leads to the same thing...WINTER. ugh.

still no computer. i was able to focus completely, then on re-reading harry p. #5. i’m up to page 480 now, over halfway done. i’m glad i’m reading it again, because it’s good, and i didn’t remember most of it. and i still have #6 to look forward to. because when #6 is gone, what will there be left in life to look forward to???

i think life is going to be different this fall. i haven’t mentioned it, but i’ve applied to the University of Illinois, Spfld, to their graduate english program. why does writing things on here make them seem more real? i sent in the application in june, and i kept waiting and waiting to hear from them, and finally started calling a few weeks ago, and have been astounded at the apparent lack of interest in actually doing anything at all with the application. they’ve said things to me like “we don’t have a transcript that says you received your B.A.” and “we didn’t receive your G.R.E. scores,” and “we need the transcript from the University of Arizona.”

granted, my application might have been a little more complicated than most - i went to three different colleges on the way to getting my B.A., but i sent in all the forms, everything, and got increasingly more annoyed by the things they said they hadn’t received.

it looks like they admit to having everything now, though, and all i need is for the evaluator to do the evaluating. well, and then the evaluator has to send the evaluation to the english department, and then i assume more and more evaluating will take place.

school starts on august 22nd, and i hope the evaluation process is about over by then.

i’d like to be a graduate assistant, because my friend erica is one, and she says it would be a really good idea, because you get paid a little AND they cover your tuition. but now i don’t know if it’s years and years too late to do that because they were interviewing people to be G.A.s sometime in the spring, and now god knows when the grad. assist. people will actually receive any of my forms from the other departments.

i forgot about what a maze of bureaucracy and red tape the college thing can be.

if all goes as planned and i do start school, i’m looking forward to it. the classes i want to take are at night, and if i somehow got to be a g.a., plus i’ll still be doing massages, i’m suddenly going to be very very busy. i’m not entirely sure how i feel about this. well, i feel a little anxious, because of course change is always anxiety-producing, although the anxiety hasn’t stopped me yet from making changes pretty much all the time. it always feels, though, that i don’t have quite enough time to do everything i want to do, and if i’m even busier...well, we’ll see how it goes.

i’ve decided the classes are going to kind of be like being in a play, when i had rehearsal at night for weeks and weeks.

except this time i won’t get to dance around doing bad ballet. i do miss “I can’t take it with you,” at least the bad ballet aspect of it.

the class i’m most excited about is playwriting. when i lived in LA, actually before i even move there, i wrote lots of screenplays, but i started thinking that plays would be better to try, because i’m all about the dialogue, not the action. plus, if i start writing plays, i could actually produce them.

new possibilities.

i’m also going to take a class about children’s literature, and that excites me, too, because i continue to love children’s books. ok, here’s something i haven’t confessed to you - sometimes i still read children’s books. some of them are really, really good, funny and creative, and they make me happy. i haven’t run into any other adults who ever read children’s books (except for harry potter, and for some reason it’s perfectly ok to admit to reading them), but i feel i can’t be completely alone on this.

but maybe so.

for example, “mrs. piggle wiggle.” i haven’t read any of these books in a few years, but the thought of them makes me smile, because they’re so clever and funny. i read “mr. popper’s penguins” a few years ago in LA, because i heard somebody was writing a screenplay for it. it, too, is a funny book.

maybe i’ll write plays, maybe i’ll write plays for children, maybe i’ll just read a lot more, it’s hard to say.

new things ahead, that’s all i know for sure.

were you in a better mood yesterday? i was, and i realized it was because it wasn’t so stifling hot. plus i was able to make oatmeal chocolate chip cookies last night without heating up the house too badly.

most importantly of all, did you hear that they’re allegedly going to extend daylight savings time? i don’t think it’d take effect for a year, and i’m pretty sure i can’t wait that long, but wouldn’t winter seem less bleak if it just stayed light a little longer? yes it would.

ok then, everything is good. everything is good.

grace


Jul. 27, 2005

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harry! plus computer news on wednesday [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 12:56 pm
i started the new harry potter...and quickly realized that i didn’t remember most of the 5th book. at first i thought maybe this didn’t matter, and i guess it doesn’t, really, but i started skimming the 5th book, and decided i wanted to re-read it before starting in on number six. i think this is a good plan, because i know that when i finally start and then finish number six, i’ll be all WHERE’S NUMBER SEVEN? and then the wait for it will be intermitable.

number 5 is good, but so very very dark.

last night i wasted my entire evening trying to fix dad’s computer, which continues to be very very bad. it’s ridiculous that i’d even be trying to fix it, because i don’t know much of anyting about fixing computers. he had many insidious icons all over his desktop. he’d tried to get rid of them before, but they kept coming back. i figured i’d gotten rid of all of them, and then THEY CAME BACK. i was so mad that i’d wasted an entire night, and i wrote to B. (Billy Roy), telling him of my frustration. i didn’t want to go online here to try to write anything, because of course my computer is also doing horrible things, like taking forever for a program to appear, and then when it does, it doesn’t work.

i don’t want to give him a swelled head or anything, but B. can be an angel sometimes. this morning he sent me a text message (on my phone, which continues to function even though it’s quite ancient and i drop it almost constantly), saying that a computer expert genius guy in his office is going to look at both computers.

so i dropped them off at his office today, and now i’m COMPUTER FREE. it’s kind of a liberating feeling.

i don’t know how long it will take, maybe a couple of days. i can always write things here at the hospital, but usually i have a lot more to say late at night, so you might not hear much from me for the next few days. plus, i’m going to davenport on friday to be in the Bix 7, the seven mile race that involves lots of hills. this morning i ran for 70 minutes, but it wasn’t so hilly, but i’m hoping i’ll do ok in the race anyway. i know there will be snacks at the end, anyway...last year there were twinkies, but i was so hot and horribly exhausted and my legs were killing me that i couldn’t thoroughly enjoy the twinkies.

ok then,

grace feeling much lighter, computer-free for now.


Jul. 25, 2005

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fair commercial is here! [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 9:35 pm
it’s the very first video listed there on the right side. click on it to finally see how it looks. kurt put it on the site today, and it took him about five minutes, and i ask myself, WHY did it have to take so long to put it up? Laziness, i’m a very lazy person, that is the only explanation.

my computer is worse and worse; if i disappear from here, it will be because it self-destructed completely. B. (Brittania) got rid of this annoying yahoo search thing - i typed in a web address, and instead of going right to the address, it would go to the yahoo search page for the address! b. got rid of it, like i said, but SUDDENLY IT’S BACK HERE TONIGHT. argh, and much gnashing of teeth.

anyway, watch the commercial! right here, a new video, finally! i have no excuses now not to make other videos, because it’s not like it takes a lot of time or anything. no excuses!

damn, this computer is annoying. nobody has any more ideas on hiw to make it better, either.

i haven’t had any time to start harry potter yet. 15 more pages of vonnegut, and then i can start, but i’m running out of time tonight. maybe tomorrow night?

that is all for now.

ok then,

grace just wanting some free time to read a lot.


Jul. 24, 2005

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one last thing on sunday night [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 11:00 pm
if i just wait forever for my computer to do something, it does it. maybe it’s teaching me patience. jim suggested that i start using a pen and paper instead of the computer. good idea, except for the putting it on the internet part.

ok, so i have to sleep in a minute,and i haven’t gotten to read one word of harry potter yet. i’ve been reading for the past hour, as fast as i can, but then i felt i had to stop and write for a minute.

i’m reading kurt vonnegot’s “galapagos,” a book i got somewhere some time ago, and it’s been sitting around forever and i don’t even have or take the time to read books much these days anyway, but i started this one a while ago and right now i only have 50 more pages to go, so i have to keep reading to the end before i can start harry potter.

it’s not as good as other vonnegut books, but it’s not bad.

so here’s the thing - he’s talking about this thing that people in the book say about people who die - “'Oh well - he wasn’t going to write Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony anyway.' This wry comment on how little most of us were likely to accomplish in life, no matter how long we lived...”

then he explains where the comment came from, but i was seized up at that point, thinking about how little i’ve accomplished, about how much i’d hoped to accomplish already...but i haven’t been going down a dark hole of depression by this for once, at least. instead, and i don’t know why i’m in an OK kind of place late on sunday night, but i’ve been thinking, well, it’s true that i haven’t accomplished a lot of things i’ve hoped to, and i probably won’t ever do everything i want to do...so i need to keep remembering to try to enjoy what i’m doing. and to do what i enjoy.

i know that tomorrow morning i’ll wake up and be surly Morning Grace, probably, but at least right now i’m focusing on the good things i did today (and i did manage to squeeze some really nice things in today, in between swearing at the computer), and the prospect of joy tomorrow.

so if you’re reading this on monday morning, at your cubicle at work or wherever, and it’s MONDAY MORNING, and you’re feeling all snarly and unmotivated, well, just do something about it. one time i read this, and i know it sounds kind of retarded, but i do find it can work - just try smiling. just sit there and smile, and i bet you’ll find it hard not to feel just a little bit better because you’re smiling. i’m sure it’s some physiological smiling reflex hormone kind of thing, but even if i’m very very surly, and i try smiling even though i DO NOT MEAN IT, i feel better, if even for a few minutes.

and then, of course, you could always think about ways to improve your day. today i wrote a new flyer, all about trying new things, and it’s the same idea here.

finding some peace and happiness in the small things in life.

this is the only one you have, after all. also a very important thing to keep in mind.

perhaps i should try to find a job as a motivational speaker.

and also maybe i could figure out how to tie this in with camping, something i’d also like to get paid to do.

surely, surely, there’s a way...

50 more pages.

i have HARRY POTTER to look forward to tomorrow, which should definitely start the week off right.

ok then, goodnight, get up right now and do something good for yourself. also, and i hate to sound all pollyanish, but it also feels good to do something nice for somebody else.

all right already,

grace.

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sunday... [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 4:05 pm
and things are bad again. my computer kept getting better and better yesterday; B. (bobby bob) loaded a super-duper computer cleaning fixing program onto my computer, and millions and millions of unnecessary and bad things were eliminated.

but today it’s bad again.

i’m not going to work on fixing it, because i don’t know what else to do, and i’m sick of the whole thing.

i feel that i’ve been working on things all day. all i’ve wanted to do is start the latest harry potter book. i can see there will be no time today. maybe tomorrow.

tomorrow, when maybe it won’t be so damn hot outside.

ok then,

grace feeling a little surly.




Jul. 23, 2005

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more things on saturday... [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 5:01 pm
the loud woman and friend, after they asked me to take their picture for them. the loud one was very religious. she told the other one some long story about meeting some guy and she said, “are you christian?” and he was, and that made her very happy. i knew they’d leave. the family left, too, i don’t even remember when. sometimes i do that; i just forget about what’s going on around me. i mean, they must have made some noise leaving, they didn’t just skulk off, and there were quite a few of them, but really, i can’t remember their departure. brain cells, disappearing as i sit here.

i’ve been DELETING like crazy, and if you’ve ever looked at the archives, you’ll notice that the archives from the beginning, last april, till november, are gone. soon they will be back, but they will be IMPERMEABLE to the evil evil bastard commenters who plague me.

and who knows, maybe i’ll be able to have actual real comments on here again someday. what do you think, christine? because as i was deleting, i noticed some of the old comments and it was fun to read them. making it more of a give and take type thing, instead of me just randomly typing and nobody being able to comment anymore except for e-mail me directly.

today i got an e-mail from Wil Maring herself, the very talented woman who i wrote about in June. she and her band Shady Mix performed down at Shaw’s Garden in St. Louis, and they’re fabulous, and she found my website because i wrote about her. I just looked at her website, and am highly entertained that it’s in english AND german, very bilingual of them.

i love to read those german words; the sight of them just makes me laugh. also the thought of trying to pronounce them. like their listing: Band Geschichte. band history. looks like geshundheit, doesn’t it?

here’s the shady mix website, in case you want to order some of their great music:

shady mix!

and here’s one more quick thing before i go; B. (Bobby Bob) sent this to me, and it’s very funny. except i think that it’s pretty simple about seats in heaven - everybody would somehow have a perfect front row seat. because it’s heaven, right, and anything is possible?

rock and roll heaven

ok then.

grace energized from DELETION.

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saturday afternoon here in springfield, [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 2:54 pm
and i’m sitting here at the eastside panera, in a big comfy chair, and it’s cool and lovely and life feels good.

pretty good, anyway.

first - i must tell you that i misspoke in that last entry. mis-wrote. i said that tim burton added the thing about the indian prince to “charlie and the chocolate factory,” but i started reading the book again, and that part is in the book! his name is prince pondicherry, and tim burton captured it perfectly. i also noticed that he used some of Roald Dahl’s actual words in the telling of the story. GO SEE IT, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

today i told a guy about how i like writing here because i get to write pretty much whatever i want. he pointed out the name, uncensored, and said he HOPES i get to write what i want. i told him i’m a pretty severe editor.

i think my computer fixed itself. i know they can’t really do that, but it seems better now. maybe it just took a while for all that virus-scanning to sink in thoroughly. I KNOW that can’t happen either.

however, it seems to be working. i can close the lid and when i open it back up, i don’t have to re-start it.

fixed itself.

B. is going to clean the registry for me, by the way, and then it will REALLY work well. better than ever, maybe.

i’m excited today, because i think i’ve come up with a way to get rid of all the horrible spam postings on my comment section (the section that we had to remove, but they’re still really here, i know this is all very dull, but it makes me CRAZY). i want them to be gone for good because i want to have an accurate count of how many people visit this site, and i think the numbers are inflated because of all the evil bastard poker sites, etc. but i think they’re about to be removed forever now.

we’ll just see.

and then, my computer will be working, my website will be in A+ order, and life will be PERFECT.

right?

i don’t think i’m going to be in that race next weekend. too hot and humid, and it’s supposed to get hotter and hotter. i was looking forward to just running, no swimming or biking, but i wouldn’t want to have to pass out in the heat.

i went to see “annnie get your gun” at muni on thursday night, and i don’t know why people weren’t passing out on the stage like crazy. it was sweltering just sitting there, and i can’t imagine being up on the stage in a heavy costume, dancing around. they actually managed to look like they were enjoying themselves, well done for them. my favorite number involved a group of gangly cowboys who did this really cleverly choreographed dance. i can’t remember the name of the particular song, but it was the only one involving cowboys dancing by themselves.

ok, one quick note, the only downside of being here at panera - sometimes other people are here, too. i don’t know why; these people suddenly surrounding me aren’t even eating. there’s an entire family on one side of me, including a mother and father and two children and a little baby. the baby was crying, but at least it has stopped. the father is reading the paper. maybe they’re from out of town, and they’re waiting for something or somebody? at least they’re all fairly quiet.

but just now some loud woman came and sat next to me with her friend, and the one is showing the other a bunch of family photos and they’ve spread them all over the table and they bug me. a lot. but i know that if i sit here long enough, they’ll go away. each photo does seem to contain at least 16 people per picture, and she’s describing every family in minute detail, including somebody who has cancer, somebody who just got divorced, a cousin who lost 100 pounds, somebody who’s going to move out west...

enough already.

ok, i have to delete a bunch of bad stuff now. i feel there were at least three other things i wanted to mention, but maybe when it’s quieter in here.

ok then,

grace staying cool.


Jul. 21, 2005

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ENOUGH ALREADY!!!! [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 12:18 am
thanks for that lovely little note, christine. the thing i found funny about you bemoaning the lack of me writing is that i feel that i’ve called you approximately three thousand and four times in the past few days, badgering you with questions about fixing computers.

if only i ever got paid for all the stuff that occupies my time. especially when it’s this horrible horrible tedious stuff that makes me want to go hurl the computer right into the lake.

on sunday i started trying to help dad with his computer problems, which were bad. i downloaded spybot and the other stuff he didn’t have, i kept doing different things, and it did get better, and now it seems to be working at least fairly ok. but i spent all of sunday morning and most of monday afternoon doing it.

and then, because MY computer was right next to his computer as i tried to write something while downloading many tedious things, MY COMPUTER CAUGHT HIS VIRUS.

this is clearly the only explanation.

makes sense.

so, today i had so very many things i wanted to write - i wanted to finish a detailed account of the triathlon, i wanted to write a new flyer, and of coure i had MANY MANY THINGS i wanted to say on here.

instead, i sat on a comfy chair at panera and used their free wifi to download updates and do more and more tedious and mind-numbingly slow computer things. i had conversations with christine, and with B. (Bobby Rae), who both helped me quite a bit. i updated norton, i updated my other anti-virus programs, i kept running virus scans, i updated aol to new SECURITY aol, i defragmented the computer.

it’s still messed up. to put it politely.

if i close the computer while it’s still on, when i open it back up, the screen remains black.

INCREDIBLY annoying. and everything is taking one million more years than it should.

i’m sorry, i know i must be boring you TO TEARS, but at least you’re not LOSING YOUR MIND FROM TOO MUCH COMPUTER FRUSTRATION. plus the fact that i spent so much time today just sitting there. it made me think about the times in my life when i’ve had to sit in an office, just sitting there, doing various things with pieces of paper, and i wondered at how i managed to stand that at all. i’m glad i don’t have to do that anymore, at least.

i just spent ONE WHOLE HOUR trying to make a hotel reservation. i finally accomplished it, thank god.

ok, i’ll stop this ranting now, it’s almost midnight, i’m tired, but there are still many things i wanted to address.

the most important thing:

GO SEE CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY. i saw it sunday afternoon, and monday night. it was fabulous on sunday afternoon; the only thing missing, i quickly realized, was a bag of chocolates to munch on while watching the film. so i went to see it again on monday to correct that problem.

it’s clever and funny and i loved it. there are some things that are really close to the original movie, and others that are interesting twists. tim burton (the director) added stuff to the story, like a short tale of an indian prince who wanted a palace built of chocolate. this little story doesn’t have anything to do with the main action, but it’s really funny and helps set the wacky mood that follows.

the kids are sort of like the original kids, but violet beauregard, for example, has added qualities which make her even funnier. and her mother is a perfectly perfect hysterically funny barbie doll.

and i love johnny depp.

my dad is one of the people i dragged to the movie on monday night, and he said he didn’t care much for johnny d., because he thought he looked disturbingly like angie dickinson.

sometimes my dad has very unusual ideas.

please go see it. if you don’t like it, well, i’m sorry, but there surely must be something seriously wrong with you. i’m just saying. fabulous. take along some malted milk balls.

today somebody told me about a trip she took to the bahamas. it made me want to go there. but then B. (Billy Bill )said that the bahamas are all about evil drug smugglers. so, which is it? island paradise or bad drug-smuggling den of badness?

at least i want to go to some lovely island somewhere with white sand beaches and crystal clear waters. where would that be, if not the bahamas? i guess, come to think of it, i’ve never been to any islands with w.s. beaches and c.c. waters. surely there must be a bunch of them someplace. must look into it.

i’m training for another race, by the way. this one should be easy, because it’s only running. i’m waiting to find somebody to ask about swimming faster, before i even consider being in another triathlon. my neighbor, greg, is a fast swimmer who i know did well in the triathlon, but i don’t see him very often, but maybe i’ll bump into him and he can reveal the mighty secret of not being the slowest swimmer on the planet. ("swim faster," he’ll say.)

ok, i’m sorry to be jumping from topic to topic like this (and you’re acting like this is something new for you?), but i have only two minutes before the coach turns back into the pumpkin.

disease. somebody told me an alarming story of a friend who got lyme disease from her dog who had a tick, and the poor woman had it for TWO YEARS before somebody diagnosed it, and she was in bed for ONE YEAR, and had all kinds of horrible things happening to her, including liver damage. very very bad.

and a friend of mine has chron’s disease, and when she first had it, they didn’t diagnose it for at least a year, and she almost DIED because they didn’t diagnose it.

i mean, WHY? this makes me a little nervous about getting some kind of disease. if anything comes up, i’m going to ask them, IS THIS CHRON’S DISEASE? or COULD IT BE LYME DISEASE? i mean, since these are such big bad diseases, shouldn’t doctors have learned very early on in medical school to look for the symptoms of these things???

my brother david went swimming in the lake this evening. a friend told me earlier in the day that you SHOULD NOT SWIM IN THE LAKE RIGHT NOW, because the bacteria levels are very high because of the rain and the hot weather. the police made an announcement about it.

i told david, but he didn’t listen to me. plus he had a cut on his leg, so i’m sure all the bacteria swam right up it.

so now what will happen? what will he get? trychonosis? bochilism (sp?)? Bubonic plague? leptospyrosis? LYME DISEASE? CHRON’S DISEASE?

you can bet i’ll be badgering the doctors if he gets any symptoms of anything at all.

beside his obvious symptom of NOT BEING A GOOD LISTENER when somebody tells him DON’T SWIM IN THE LAKE.

ok, one more thing - my friend erica took a boat ride with me in my parents' pontoon boat tonight. it was lovely; the moon was full, we brought along the dogs Gizmo and Shortie who were very good, mainly because erica gave them many treats. david, who wasn’t yet exhibiting any symptoms of SOMETHING BAD THAT’S SURELY ABOUT TO OVERTAKE HIM, drove the boat.

erica and i are invited to a cast reunion party on saturday. erica said she called the host to tell him she wouldn’t be attending.

she didn’t tell him the reason, which is because she’s leaving for europe on saturday. i asked her why she didn’t want to say this. she said, “oh, it sounds too farfetched.” BUT YOU’RE REALLY DOING IT, i told her. maybe she didn’t want the fellow to feel she was putting on airs because she’s off on her whirlwind trip overseas. i would have told the guy. erica makes me laugh.

all right, i’ve been sitting here with this computer on my lap for an hour and a half now, and my body temperature has risen about 15 degrees because of it (or maybe it’s from the disease i probably CAUGHT FROM DAVID because of sitting next to him at dinner after he swam in the lake??), so i need to finally go to sleep.

i ran yesterday and the day before to train for the race next saturday, which is seven miles, not bad, but the hills are killer. i didn’t run today because i needed a rest, and i feel that i’m not going to run tomorrow, either. but what about saturday, and sunday, when it’s 98 outside? i have to run. i’ll have to get up really, really early. i realize really really early is a relative term, and most people don’t think of it like i do. for me, running at 7 will be really really early. my friend ann gets up at 5:30, so really really early would be...three a.m.? you might as well just stay up all night if you’re going to get up that early.

that is all for now.

ok then,

grace not about to spend all day tomorrow in front of the computer because i have to give many massages, plus i’ve run out of things to do with it (except throwing it in the lake). (or cleaning up the registry, which B. suggested but christine said wasn’t something an ordinary mortal should attempt).


Jul. 20, 2005

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we’re missing you grace [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 10:58 pm
this is a clear violation of trust and boundaries and whatnot. this isn’t my blog. but hell, I designed it and coded it and all that and the lovely grace is my very dear friend and i know how to sign on and post something and WE CAN’T COMMENT because of all the evil spam commenters out there, so I’m just gonna post this:

I HATE it when grace doesn’t post something for days. It’s painful and I want to read about what’s going on. Granted, I can (and do) call her up and ask about her life. Right now she’s having major virus (or something) issues with her computer, thus the lack of posts. Sigh. We’ll all have to be patient. I’ve tried to help but the problem seems to be more difficult to solve than the usual. Some good computer-geek-friend-who-lives-in-her-town should take care of this already. Can you do that for the rest of us please? PLEASE?

love,
christine

ps - grace, feel free to delete this post



Jul. 16, 2005

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i didn’t come in last! [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 10:58 pm
and, most importantly, i made it through the entire triathlon without collapsing and dying. and while swimming, even though the place to turn around out there in the lake was approximately a zillion miles further than it looked from the shore, i didn’t just give up and sink quietly to the bottom, like i really wanted to.

i came in second to last in the swim. the thing is, i was kicking with my legs, i was doing the strokes with my arms, it all felt to me like i was going plenty fast.

but of course i wasn’t. of course i was really barely moving at all, compared to all those other swimmers.

at least after a while, everybody was in front of me, so there was no risk of crashing into anybody else. that was sort of the theme of the whole race, as a matter of fact - many times i felt like it was just me, out exercising by myself as usual.

during the bike, i was once again far, far behind, because i’d been so slow in the swim. i’m not exactly speedy on the bike either, for that matter, and as i rode down the country road, wondering if i was going to end up in another state, i started singing to myself, mostly “hey hey we’re the monkees,” for some reason, and ringing my bell on my bike. i don’t think anybody else had a bell on their bike. also, most seemed to have racing bikes, instead of a cross kind of bike like mine. is this why they were all faster than me?

no, it’s because they were faster than me, that’s why they were faster.

the run was unbelievably hot. blazing sun, lots of humidity, hot heat beating down on me. i started out and couldn’t catch my breath, but kept going, and actually started passing a few people. i passed a 74 year old man, for example. i passed some women in my age category, and a few who were younger.

at the end, i thought i was going to pass out. but i didn’t.

the cold water was all gone by the time i was done. the tri didn’t seem organized so well. they were also out of snacks by the time i had any interest in eating. what’s the point of all that hard work, if there are no snacks?

there are many other things i’d like to write about the tri, but i have to go to sleep now. i napped for an hour today, but it wasn’t enough.

i saw “batman begins” tonight. an excellent film, i think it might even be better than the first one. i don’t know how they managed to suddenly make a good batman movie, when the others have been so wretched, but i’m glad they did.

i have to say that even though i was slow in the race, i did feel good about finishing it. it gave me a sense of accomplishment, and on one hand, it made me NEVER WANT TO DO IT AGAIN, but at the same time, i kept thinking that i have to figure out how to swim faster in order to do better next time.

anyway, after the empowerment of finishing the tri, seeing batman furthered this feeling. the big message that they kept hitting me over the head with was something like “you fall down so you can learn to pick yourself up.” now, i fall down because i’m very clumsy, but of course the symbolic falling down i’ve had to experience over and over again in my life has certainly made it easier to pick myself up.

so, i finished the triathlon, i managed to do a little mountain biking last week without any blood lost, i’m liking this feeling i have at the moment and it’d be nice if it lasted more than 15 minutes. but i’ll take what i can get. and in the meantime, WATCH OUT, because i’m not in the mood to put up with an inordinate amount of annoyance or frustration. time to take charge, time to be BATMAN!

no, i don’t want to be batman.

elastigirl, maybe.

ok then,

grace ready for just about anything.


Jul. 13, 2005

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wednesday night [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 10:53 pm
this morning there was a story on the today show about the running of the bulls.

at least there’s something even stupider than trying to be in a triathlon. at least no bulls are going to chase after me as i swimbikerun.

on the other hand, maybe it would help me to not come in last.

i mean, really, SOMEBODY has to be last. so it might as well be me. Every day i get more accepting of this inevitability.

tonight B. (Billy Jo) and i played putt putt golf. and i BEAT him! this was quite astounding to me, personally. it perhaps had something to do with the fact that he had to play the last hole in a torrential downpour, but i did beat him, fair and square. at least once i beat him at something.

and i could say i beat him at games where you have to think, but i’ve decided i’ve lost quite a few brain cells, and i’m searching for them as we speak. as i type.

we played boggle last night, and he beat me. we played scrabble tonight, and he REALY beat me. randy and i played boggle on monday night, and he SLAUGHTERED me. clearly, brain cells lost. they’re oozing out of my head, slowly, so i don’t notice them going. but then, BAM, i lose at boggle. i don’t think i was ever that great at scrabble, plus i get annoyed with it sometimes because it takes forever, but i know i wasn’t as bad as tonight.

i did swimbikerun this morning, my last day of doing it b4 the race. my swim was the worst ever; the water was kind of chilly, the waves seemed choppy, i kept swallowing lots of water and coughing, my goggles got all fogged up so i couldn’t see at all, plus i was slogging ridiculously slowly through the water.

but it’s ok. things are good anyway. then i biked for a while, then decided to run a little to see if my legs were killing me, and they weren’t so i ran a little more, and that was quite an accomplishment.

tomorrow, only swimming and biking.

today i didn’t do too much, but i was going to try to put on those new fancy laces, but i didn’t even achieve that. tomorrow.

B. told me about some crazy triathlon, i can’t remember what it’s called (brain cells evaporating right now, i can feel it), but instead of just swimbikerun, it’s mountain biking and running through the forest or something. so they can just keep adding to that concept - you can swim in shark-infested waters, and you could bike through some big area that’s on fire, and then you could get chased by bulls as you run. that’d improve everybody’s times, wouldn’t it? plus, of course, if you’re going to add all those risky things, it would then be a very popular TV show and everybody could get rich. except the poor people who get eaten by sharks/burn up in the fire/are crushed by bulls.

i hate all those reality, fear-facing stupid shows on tv. don’t you think that the next logical step is stuff that’s actually going to be LIFE-THREATENING?

stupid, so stupid.

maybe this cycle of shows will eventually become passe, like “who wants to be a millionaire.”

they should, instead, bring back variety shows. singing and dancing and skits, like the carol burnette show. maybe i should write a variety show. put it on cable access - or, of course, i could put it up RIGHT HERE! i have the tools.

but realistically, i haven’t even put up the commercial i was just in. I must find some way to BEAT THIS LAZINESS. and defeat it.

but first, i’m going to get a good night’s sleep. maybe it will come to me in a dream. instead of my usual boring dreams about ironing or changing a lightbulb.

ok then,

grace ready to DO this triathlon and get it over with already.

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just one more thing on tuesday night [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 12:26 am
have i told you my great, foolproof diet idea? i definitely SHOULD NOT share it with you, because you will definitely steal it and then you’ll write a book about it and get rich instead of me.

but here it is: B.’s (Billy Bob’s) dog, Mollie, was quie overweight. she weighed about 53 pounds, i think, and B. put her on a diet and now she only weighs 38 pounds, which is perfect.

How did she do it, you ask? B. cut back on the amount of food he gave her, of course. and so, logically, she lost weight.

now, the only real problem with losing weight is that even though we KNOW that we just have to eat less, we are always lured by the doughnuts, sucked into chocolate chip cookies, we just eat too much because dieting makes us crazy.

but so here’s the mollie diet - you get somebody else to dole out the food to you. and they just give you less food than you’re eating right now, and you will certainly lose weight!

the problem is that we can drive, so we can always get in the car and go to baskin robbins and get a chocolate peanut butter double scoop sugar cone.

maybe we also need to be restricted to the house. that would, then, also be a kind of min-vacation from everyday real life reality.

ok, i’ve just scratched the surface of the Mollie Diet, but i know a fortune is THERE TO BE HAD.

don’t steal my idea.

ok then,

grace, ever entreprenurial.

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the ONLY thing wrong with napping... [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 12:19 am
...and there’s really only the one thing wrong with napping...and that’s that i had a lovely half hour nap this afternoon, but now when i should be sleeping, i’m WIDE AWAKE.

a minor flaw. i could very well be wide awake at 4 a.m., like i was last night, so maybe i’m just having my wide-awakeness a little early tonight.

the other night when i wrote about the triathlon, i really got very sad about the whole thing, very weepy and despondent about the prospect of coming in DEAD LAST in the race, which i was sure was going to happen. i must interject that at least i was feeling weepy and sad because of a race instead of because of some man. but anyway, i was incredibly over-tired and that’s why i had a little breakdown. i guess i didn’t get really upset until i stopped writing about it. or perhaps i was just being self-censoring, as i do way too much anyway (THIS IS CENSORING?? you’re asking yourself. trust me, it is).

B. (Bubba) gave me a pair of quick shoe laces. they’re not called “quick tie” because you don’t actually tie them; i don’t know the official name. you lace them into your running shoes and then instead of wasting precious time tying your shoes in between triathlon events, you just pull the shoes on without tying because of the clever stretchy laces. i may or may not be able to figure out how to actually lace them up. i’m going to work on it tomorrow.

it was very sweet of B. to do this for me, but i honestly think it’s going to help my overall time, which is sure to be VERY VERY SLOW and i keep trying to STEEL myself for coming in last. steeling away, am i.

randy had a great idea for improving my speed - he talked about a toy he had as a kid, it was called johnny something maybe, but i think i’m just makng that up - it was a man with a jet pack on his back, or you could put the jet pack thing in a car or a space ship or a boat, and it would propel it along. randy said i need a jet pack for the swim, and this is, of course, the perfect idea. i only have a few days to find one, but i’m sure they must sell them on ebay.

i saw “bewitched” tonight, finally, and it was kind of disappointing. it could have been better-written, as is the problem with most comedies. i bet somebody had a great script, and then they messed with it and made it worse. dumbed it down. but it was fun going to a movie, escape from reality and all of that. i want to see “batman begins,” too.

so much to do, so little time.

that’s not really so accurate with me. i feel kind of busy lately, but it’s not like i’m rushing around like a mad person. i’m sure i’ve written about this before, but i think it was a long time ago - the fact that all of america seems to be caught up in this frenetic pace, and everybody needs to take time out, get away from it all, but nobody has any time because of the many demands on them, or the demands they put on themselves - but that’s just not how it is with me. i have many fewer responsibilities than most people, for one thing, and i know i’m one of the few lucky people who actually has time to nap. actually, my sister naps as much as she possibly can, but the rest of the time she’s flying around like a maniac. i never achieve that, and i don’t really want to.

i don’t know why i keep thinking about early america settlers so much lately, but i keep thinking about how hard that life had to have been. and then i think about what they’d make of our lives now. for one thing, they’d think camping was INSANE, since we have so many miraculous modern conveniences. but perhaps they’d prefer sleeping under the stars. but just think about how our lives in now way resemble the settlers' lives. weird, isn’t it? and what will it be like at the beginning of the next century? and do you ever get depressed thinking about the fact that you won’t see it, do you ever sit around and think about the fact that life is terminal? when i start thinking like that, i know i’m in a downward spiral. nothing can make me feel quite as bad that quickly as thinking about the fact that i’m going to be dead at some point. this it the advantage that animals have - they never waste valuable time worrying about the inevitable. my cat, winnie, as a matter of fact, is stretched out beside me, napping in paradise because i gave him the rest of my ice cream. for him, life couldn’t possibly be any better.

there’s a screenplay idea for you - early american settler gets transported into the future. a big rip-off of other time travel films, but maybe it has some potential.

watching the trailers tonight before the movie, it seems like every movie now is about action heroes. i once wrote a script about a woman action hero who saves the world, and a producer i told about it wouldn’t even read it because he said nobody wanted to see a woman saving the world. i was clearly before my time.

maybe i’ll start some kind of movement, some movement involving napping and relaxing and hanging out and doing fun, creative stuff as much as possible, and then i can write books on the subject, and can do infomercials and then have a talk show or maybe just be on talk shows; having my own show would be too much work, and then i can go around and give lectures on the topic, and then i can get really really rich and buy a house in malibu. christine and i talk quite a bit about buying a house together in malibu someday, except she doesn’t really want to because it’s going to fall into the ocean eventually, and i guess i don’t really want to because it’s just too crowded in southern california. so instead of malibu, somewhere along the western coast, maybe northern california. i’d like to drive up the coast again and explore it; the last time i did that, we were in much too big a hurry (with no reason to be in this big hurry), and i keep thinking about the beautiful places we rushed by.

travel, time to do some traveling again. must get to work making a plan. a list. prioritize, strategize, alphabetize...

but first, i’m going to be just resting now.

ok then,

grace still feeling very alert and awake but maybe darkness will promote sleeping.



Jul. 10, 2005

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...one more thing i forgot... [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 10:04 pm
damn, it is now not going to be possible to get to sleep before ten, and when am i ever going to have some free time to just lie in bed and read for a while, anyway? but i had to write about this - one of the nights we camped, B. played his guitar and we sang some songs. he’d brought a book that i think was supposed to be different folk songs. there were quite a few old american folk songs, many of which i’d never heard of. and it struck me how depressing many of them are - songs about having a lover and then killing her and then being sad that she’s not around anymore, stuff like that. some song, i’m sure you’ve heard it, about a woman selling something...cockles and mussels, maybe? but then she gets sick and dies. all kinds of fun topics.

and one of these songs is called “there’s a hole in the bucket.” i’ve never heard it, but here are some of the lyrics -

There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, a hole.
So fix it dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
So fix it dear Henry, dear Henry, fix it.
With what should I fix it, dear Liza, dear Liza,
With what should I fix it, dear Liza, with what?
With straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
With straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, with straw.
But the straw is too long, dear Liza, dear Liza,
The straw is too long, dear Liza, too long.
So cut it dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
So cut it dear Henry, dear Henry, cut it!
With what should I cut it, dear Liza, dear Liza,
With what should I cut it, dear Liza, with what?

you get the idea. finally, at the end, she tells him to use the bucket, and then he sings again that there’s a hole in the bucket, so i guess you could basically just sing the stupid song for the rest of your life. it was in my brain yesterday and wouldn’t go away which was somewhat torturous.

anyway, this seems like such a stupid song. b. and i talked about it, and agreed that dear henry is passive aggressive, and dear liza is controlling. but dear henry also doesn’t seem to be very bright, and he can’t seem to do anything at all by himself. i think it would be funny to do this song and have one of them shoot the other somewhere in the middle of it. i mean, that would fit perfectly with the whole killing your lover motif of those early american folk songs.

i can’t imagine that it’d have been any fun to live back then.

10:02. now i really must rest.

ok then,

grace 99% asleep already.

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i’m just resting now [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 9:48 pm
i’d like to be just resting now. i’m going to go to sleep before 10, maybe in the next few moments, maybe i’ll just fall asleep right here as i tyzzzzzzzz......

we’re having a GRAND OPENING OPEN HOUSE at the place where i do massage. it’s on friday, even though we actually moved in in february. it should really be called our BEEN HERE FIVE MONTHS NOW OPEN HOUSE WITH REFRESHMENTS INCLUDED, but i’m not going to mention this. the office consists of me and another massage therapist and a couple of therapist-type therapists and a napropath which is like a chiropractor but with no bone CRACKing, plus we loosely affiliated with the yoga place.

we’ve waited this long to have the open house because everybody was very busy, mostly travelling to faraway places like china and jamaica. i believe i’m the only one who’s been camping lately, but maybe others have been doing it too, secretly.

anyway, so last night i stayed up till 12:30, formatting some postcard invitations i’m going to send out, and i was very tired, and then this morning i got up before seven and SWAMBIKEDRAN. and at some point during the day i realized i got less than seven hours of sleep, hence the severe tiredness all day long.

yesterday i swam and biked, and the biking was great. i highly, highly recomment mountain-biking as a way to get stronger when biking. i felt like i was going much faster yesterday than i ever have (i don’t know the actual speed, because i don’t have a speedometer. yet.)

today the swim bike run went pretty well, actually. i did all three at least as far as the distances in the actual triathlon which is on SATURDAY, and i felt good when i was done. the only other time i attempted running right after biking, i thought my legs were going to fall off. this time, though, they felt ok. i wasn’t exactly sprinting, but no pain.

afterwards i was walking around and i met up with a couple of women who had just been swimming in the lake, practicing for the tri. they said it took them 11 minutes to swim the 500 yards. i’m pretty sure it’s going to take me 14 minutes. and then they said that yesterday they did their own practice tri, and it took them under an hour and a half, and they felt good about that.

my own practice tri took one hour and FORTY SEVEN minutes. this included time between events when i was frantically trying to tie my shoes, but they said this was going to be their first triathlon. i felt a little let down, realizing that i’m so very slow. even though i already KNOW i’m slow. even though i keep telling myself that it DOESN’T MATTER IF I FINISH LAST.

because even though i do think this, on the other hand, i don’t want to finish last. i don’t want all the really really old people who are missing limbs/blind/very sick to pass me by. it’s this little competitive part of me that has been fairly dormant for, well, most of my living life. but deep down inside of me this litle squeaky voice (very similiar to my actual squeaky voice) is saying “i want to go fast!” the other night i actually dreamed that i was swimming a race, and somebody was doing some weird stroke whereby they were just skimming over the top of the water, going super fast, and i started doing that, too. i never, EVER have dreams like that.

I told B. (Brad) about my very slow time during the practice, and he said reasurring things like “you did fine,” and “it doesn’t matter how other people do.” of course, he SAYS stuff like this, but i know he’s going to be going FULL OUT and expecting to BEAT the old crippled people in wheelchairs.

anyway, now i’m ready to collapse from the fatigue. after working out this morning, i went on a garden walk with my parents and my brother david, and we saw many lovely lake homes with spectacular gardens. except it did involve some walking, and by the end i decided that my legs might possibly fall off after all.

the rest of the day was spent doing many things, rushing about, and taking a walk with B. and Mollie the dog. here’s something funny about mollie - when we just went camping, she spent almost the entire time running around like a crazy dog. she boinked around in the tall grasses, she chased deer (thinking they were giant bunnies, no doubt, and i know i already wrote this, but i just think it’s so darn funny), she just kept running all the time even though she’d have to flop down on the ground every once in a while, actually red in the face, which is difficult for a dog to achieve. she was way overheated, but she didn’t care and didn’t want to stop exploring. mollie action dog.

but when we went on a short walk today, she started getting hot. on the way back, she kept heading for the shade, and then she’d just lie there, panting and looking at us like we were torturing her. because she wasn’t free to run and chase animals, because she was forced to walk on a leash, the heat was suddenly unbearable for her. i thought we were going to have to carry her at one point, but she somehow managed to make it home without actually fainting.

i guess you could make a parallel to the way we live our lives. slogging along, trying to make it through the day...but when we have some freedom we can go crazy with busy-ness, and don’t get tired out because we’re enjoying ourselves.

yet another reason to camp all the time.

i don’t know about camping in the winter, though. it seems it would mostly just be cold. not that anybody’s invited me. not that i’m going to even THINK about winter right now.

now, i’m going to be just resting.

i hope you make it through monday.

ok then,

grace ready for the week ahead, at least as much as a person can be, but you just never know how it’ll go until you’re in the thick of it.




Jul. 08, 2005

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a mind is a terrible thing to waste... [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 11:04 pm
ironically, i haven’t done anything at all lately that would kill any brain cells, not a single one. and yet clearly, CLEARLY, my mind is slipping right away.

last night i wrote about the joys of camping, and i said i want to try to make a living camping.

I THOUGHT THIS WAS AN ORIGINAL THOUGHT. I THOUGHT I’D JUST THOUGHT OF IT WHEN I WROTE IT.

today i told somebody that i went camping and he said, “oh, again?” and i said yes, again, and i loved it. “yeah, you like camping so much that you’d like to make a living at it,” he said.

i was taken aback. how did he know this? i’d just written these words maybe an hour before; he couldn’t have possibly read them, because he was very busy working.

nope, he read it. ON MY FLYER. WHICH I WROTE A FEW WEEKS AGO. and then i posted it here on this site.

so first i thought about it, and i wrote it down, and then i made many copies and looked them over carefully, searching for typos that might have slipped through, then i re-formatted it and put it up here.

B. (Barnaby) just complained that he’s forgetting things lately, like people’s names. i said, AT LEAST YOU’RE NOT FORGETTING THINGS THAT YOU WROTE AND RE-WROTE ABOUT.

at least when i was writing last night about making a living camping, i had a good time doing it. blithely writing away, thinking that i’d just thought it up, and what a fine idea it was.

when i’m old and in a nursing home and my mind has completely, completely gone (in about three weeks, perhaps?), i think i’ll be quite happy, having all kinds of thoughts that i’m able to amuse myself with, and it won’t matter that they’ll be the same things over and over again, because they’ll always be completely fresh in my mind. and by the way, i’m going to refuse to go into a nursing home. i’d rather float out on an ice floe like the eskimos. do they still do that? i could look it up, but then i’d start thinking about other random things to look up (i’ll suddenly think about making a living at camping, for example, and i’ll try to see if anybody has done that), and then i’ll never get to sleep.

i could stay up late tonight, looking stuff up, writing stuff down, but i want to get up early to swim and bike. and then sunday, SUNDAY, i SWIM BIKE RUN.

time has almost run out for the training. but i’m going to do it anyway.

by the way, the phrase that dad uses to get back to sleep is “i’m JUST resting now,” not “i’m TRYING to rest now.” much better.

i’m sure i’ve already written about this before, but maybe it was so long ago that you won’t remember, but when i had a real job in LA, all i did most of the time was look stuff up. i have no idea what i was looking up, but there were always an infinite amount of things online that i needed to search for. i got a little obsessive about it. pretty obsessive. quite obsessive, if you must know the truth. but the point of the job, mostly, was that i had to sit in the office and answer the phone in case the big boss up north would happen to call, and it wouldn’t look right if nobody answered the phone. he only called about three times, maybe, in the two years i worked there. i was ostensibly the “office manager,” but the only office manager-like thing i really did was order stuff out of the Office Max catalog. i liked that because i could order whatever i wanted, but then again, there weren’t many times when i really needed to order anything because not a lot went on.

it was a political consulting firm, and during campaigns, things were very busy and i did actually have to do some work, but it was all the boring pushing pieces of paper around and copying and faxing them kind of stuff, for the most part. and most of the time there weren’t any campaigns going on, so the three people that worked there (besides me) had very very loose schedules, and lots of times it was just me all alone in the office, looking out on the intersection of the 405 and the 10 freeways.

it was kind of like prison with a view.

sometimes i’d call friends and give them traffic reports. one time there was a truck on fire, and it was interesting watching the fire trucks as they tried vainly to make it through the gridlocked traffic to the fire scene.

most of the time, though, the gridlock was just regular gridlock, because there are too many cars in LA. not very interesting to look at. one day scott m, one of the three political consultants, was talking on the phone to his parents who were driving from monterey down to san diego, and they didn’t have time to stop, so they waved at us from the freeway. they were driving some kind of fancy little car - it was green - maybe a jaguar? with a sunroof, and his mom waved at us through the top, and we saw her! this was something, because we were eight stories up, and there were plenty of cars down there on the road.

you can see the boringness of the job, huh? i can’t believe i was there for two whole years, but i did get addicted to looking things up online, as i said (at least i’m remember things i wrote moments ago), plus i had decent health benefits for the first time in my life, and i was able to pay off almost all of my debt, until i decided to go to massage school.

plus we had the best christmas party i’ve ever been to - it was at a little house at one of those fancy monterey golf course/country clubs, maybe the monterey country club? the monterey golf course? one of the famous ones, and the house was perched right up on the rocks and the ocean was right outside the window and you could go outside and watch the crazy waves and the whole thing was awfully lovely. that party really made the two years of working worth it. and after i moved back here, they invited me to come to the party there the next year, which i did, and once again it was perfectly wonderful.

that second time, we stayed at a hotel in some state park, i believe, which was rustic and lovely, and then i went to san francisco and stayed with a fellow who worked in the office up north (not the big boss), and that, too, was an interesting time, but it’s 11:04, four minutes past the time i was going to have LIGHTS OUT, so i must sleep.

and soon i’ll be saying “i’m just resting now,” so i won’t stay up and obsess so i can be fresh for the swimming and biking.

ok then,

grace in a typing mood for a change.

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a technical question for you [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 11:51 am
not that anybody ever write to me with information about things that i need answers to, but i want to delete the comments that continue to infest my site (kind of like ticks, only without the actual blood). you can’t see the comments, but the evil bad people doing the posting have figured out how to do it. so i’m thinking of deleting all of my postings from the beginning up till january of this year, because after january, they haven’t broken through.

but maybe somebody with lots and lots of knowledge knows how to fix the problem without me having to delete all those postings.

anybody? anybody?

i still want to be camping. if i decide to just exclusively camp for the rest of my life, i’ll have to replace the blogging with smoke signals, so maybe you should start reading up. as should i.

i hope your week was good. i have to give a bunch of massages now.

ok then,

grace perpetually in need of some answers of one kind or another.


Jul. 07, 2005

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WHERE’S GRACE????!!! [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 10:09 pm
I’ve been camping. i just got back this afternoon, and had to rush to work to give a couple of massages.

i love camping. i want to camp all the time. is there a way to make a living camping? please let me know if there is.

the only thing i don’t like about camping is the long walk to the porta potty type place. it’s either that or squat somewhere, and i don’t like either thing so much. Not at all.

everything else about camping is great. we went to a primitive campsite at the jim edgar panther creek park, and the primitiveness was the distance to the outhouse and the fact that there was no running water. we got plenty of water at the group campsite, which wasn’t so far away.

the thing i love most about camping is that it’s quiet and peaceful and completely relaxing. there were no other campers at the six other primitive campsites, except the first night there was a guy at one of them, but he fished all day and left early in the morning, so we didn’t see or hear him at all.

B. (beauregard) has a wonderful tent that has mesh on the top. the last time we camped, there was a horrible storm and so we kept the rain cover on the tent all the time. but this time we didn’t put on the rain guard, so as i was lying there at night, i could look up and see the stars. because it was dark, i couldn’t really see the mesh of the tent, so it was like sleeping under the stars.

here’s the tent:



truly lovely. here’s the view from lying down inside the tent:



while camping, we went running, hiking, kayaking, and mountain-biking. if you read my last post, you’ll understand that mountain biking is a fairly terrifying thing for me. but when we did it (for only the second time) yesterday, it was more fun than terrifying. B. let me ride his new, fancy, expensive mountain bike, and i kept telling myself that because it was so new fancy and expensive, it was DESIGNED to glide right over the myriad of roots, branches, and assorted treacherous debris littering the trail. and when i did focus on this, instead of PANICKING, it went just fine.

B. told me to stand up on the bike when going uphill, and this was very very helpful. i actually made it up most of the hills. and i even went down most of them, too. i made it by saying out loud to myself “you can do it, you can do it.” and i did.

so now i feel that my fear of downhill is somewhat better. i told B. that he’s helping me overcome fears that i had absolutely no intention of even ever facing. the only thing left (that i can think of right now, but i’m sure there are more of them) is trying a team sport, but hopefully that can wait for a good long while. no need to be rash here. i won’t mention the team sport thing to him, so he won’t try to think of one to play. badminton, i can do that. but it’s not exactly a team sport, is it?

in between all the activities, we hung out. sat around. chatted. the great thing about camping is not thinking of real life reality, all the millions of things that vex and torment me in any given day.

here’s our campsite, by the way. i think it was nicer than the one at lake sangchris:



somebody clearly spent a lot of money fixing up this park. the shower houses were also very fancy. it’s also funny how camping makes showering suddenly a great treat, instead of the boring daily thing that you have to do.

here’s one more photo of the view from inside the tent.

i’m telling you, camping is good. i didn’t want to come back, not at all, but so far, in the few hours that i’ve been back, i do feel more mellow and calm and happy than usual, which is a mighty fine thing, and if i go to bed really soon, maybe i can keep that feeling going throughout the night and sleep without waking up and worrying about things i can’t fix.

my dad says that when he wakes up in the middle of the night, he says to himself, “i’m trying to rest now,” and this helps him go back to sleep. i’ve been trying it, and when i can remember exactly the phrase, it really helps.

today i got a somewhat troubling e-mail from somebody who didn’t actually sign their name. they said it seemed from reading this site that i’m not enjoying my training. is that the impression you’re getting? i’m getting a little bit panicky because i haven’t been training ENOUGH, but i like the training pretty much. the last time i swam, i didn’t even have any goggle trauma, which is usually what happens - water leaks in, or the suction is so great that i feel like my eyeballs are going to pop right out, and then i have deep circles around my eyes for the entire rest of the day.

but i like swimming in the lake more than at the fit club. it’s very pretty in the morning, and i figure that it’s pretty safe, as long as i keep an eye out for boats that might run me over.

and i’m addicted to running, and now that i’ve CONQUERED MOUNTAIN BIKING, i’m eager to get back on my bike and i’m sure i’ll be flying down the street, no worry about bumps or crazy up or downhills.

this person who wrote told me about some crazy bicycle race in staunton called the tour de donut. my brother in law did that, i think, because he has a tour de donut t-shirt. the race is 30 miles long, and you get to stop and eat donuts, but it sounds kind of revolting, donut-wise, plus of course too many miles.

you may recall when i wrote about my first camping experience, i talked about B. building fires. i think fire-building is a very good thing for him, because he seems to take great pleasure in chopping the wood and starting the fire and keeping it going for a good long time. he actually had me start one fire, and i even managed that. did i mention that because i survived mountain-biking, i’m quite sure i can do anything? i can.

here’s B. tending to the fire, a neverending job:



i think one reason he likes building the fire is because it’s an instinctual thing, from being a boy scout. yesterday he told me that there are ALL KINDS of SECRET BOY SCOUT THINGS that a boy scout learns. all kinds??!! i couldn’t get him to tell me even one. he said there’s a secret handshake, but no secret song. i wonder if there’s a secret boy scout dance? i forgot to ask him, not that he’d tell me - he’s sworn to secrecy, and if he lets anything slip, boy scouts from days of yore will start haunting him for the rest of his days. hey, that sounds like a good idea for a movie, doesn’t it?

but i digress. we saw lots and lots of nature this trip. quail, deer, owls, more deer, plus so very many bugs. lots of frogs and birds. we heard lots of things in the night, too, including coyotes and something that rustled nearby in the underbrush that i was sure was going to kill us. plus many many ticks. i’ve never actually seen a tick before, and they’re really dreadful creatures. One would cling to B.’s leg, crawling right up, and we pulled many of them off of Mollie the dog. after about a half hour of tick-pulling she got very crabby about the whole thing, though, and would wander off. B. delighted in plucking them and throwing them into a big citronella candle resting in an earthenware jar - he heated it over the fire so it was molten, then dropped the ticks in. good tick torture. i preferred pulling the legs off and then ripping them apart, and commented that it was a great way to let go of any deep-seated feelings of anger and/or aggression about anything at all. i don’t actually have any deep-seated anger/aggression usually, but it was still fun to kill the evil little ticks.

Mollie got something in her paw; we thought it was a tick, but it wasn’t. she limped around all day today, and here’s a photo of her trying to dig whatever it was out:



yesterday we thoroughly wore her out, with the running/biking/hiking. she didn’t have to do anything during kayaking except sit there, so that was good. but whenever we ran, she bounded into the woods or the tall grass, and every once in a while her head would pop up as she lept about like crazy. we saw deer a few times, and she went tearing after them, as if they were giant bunnies. i wondered what she’d do if she ever caught one.

after we got back from camping, she was suddenly fine again. maybe she didn’t really hurt her paw, maybe she was just pretending so we woudln’t keep up our pace.

as we hiked today, i asked B. what it must have been like to be a settler. it must have been lousy, don’t you think? truding along for miles and miles, or sitting in a hot smelly wagon, wearing those hot uncomfortable clothes. lousy. do you think that in a hundred or two years from now, people will look back on us and wonder how we managed to cope in our antiquated fashion? surely they will.

ok, ok, don’t start thinking about things too much here, just repeat “i’m trying to rest now,” and get at it.

ok then,

grace ready to camp tomorrow if anybody else is game (although i’d be perfectly fine camping alone because I CAN DO ANYTHING! but it wouldn’t be as much fun).



Jul. 04, 2005

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no more photos [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 11:58 pm
and i should be sleeping right now. the rain continued for quite some time, but finally it let up and we went over to the DAV club to watch some fireworks. it was kind of nice, lying on the ground to watch. luckily B. (Brandon) brought his coat, so we had that to lie on, but the ground didn’t really seem so wet anyway.

most of the other people there had clearly been there, drinking, for hours and hours. one woman sprawled out very close by was particularly exhuberant. she kept WHOOPing, and then she started in making these noises that sounded like a crow - CAW! CAW! she kept cackling, over and over and over. and of course she was smoking up a storm. because if you’re going to make bird noises, you’re also going to be a big smoker.

interesting, that the day began with seeing actual wild and majestic birds, and ended with a drunk woman imitating them. funny how the 4th brings out the best in people that way.

none of us was set ablaze by the falling embers, so the event was quite successful. i did have some ash on my face and clothes when we left, but it wasn’t life-threatening.

i forgot to mention my excursion yesterday - was it just yesterday? B. (Blessing) and i went to the jim edgar panther creek nature preserve place, out past ashland, and our plan was to mountain bike.

before we went i called my brother in law jim and asked if it would be a good idea to ride my new bike there. “oh no,” he said, “it’s bumpy. very bumpy.”

this is the grossest understatement i’ve heard in all my whole entire life.

we got to the park and drove around, trying to figure out where the mountain biking trail head was, but the signs weren’t so clear. finally we found it, and set off down the grassy path. i had only slight trepidation, due to my fear of going downhill, but i figured it wouldn’t be so bad - just “bumpy.”

bumpyness was the least of my worries. it wasn’t just downhill, it was WAY DOWN HILL. a VERY VERY VERY STEEP HILL. a VERY STEEP BUMPY HILL FILLED WITH ALL KINDS OF DEBRIS, LOGS, AND ROOTS.

downhill is very bad for me, and i was quickly aware that the imminent potential for sudden death was, indeed, quite imminent.

after the downhill came a VERY VERY STEEP UPHILL. this was almost worse. i was riding one of B’s mountain bikes, and wasn’t entirely comfortable with the shifting, but suddenly the bike was SHIFTING ON ITS OWN. very very scary.

i ended up walking up a hill or two.

i then tried a hill, pedalling like crazy, as the gears were randomly shifting around and suddenly i was losing my balance and falling BACKWARD, while TRYING TO GO UPHILL and my life flashed before my eyes and i yelped a little...

somehow i didn’t fall. honestly, i don’t know how i avoided it. this was HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE and i was SURE TO DIE AT ANY MOMENT.

how had all of this happened? B., of course, was very patient and encouraging. He finally told me to shift all the way down into first, so the gears couldn’t slip down, and i did manage to actually make it up a couple of hills. going down, though, i was usually too terrified to just coast, so i kept one foot out, ready to touch the ground when necessary.

it seemed to take forever. Jim had told me that the trail is 17 miles. we went a total of one and a half. round trip. so we actually went a total of three quarters of a mile.

it’s a miracle i’m alive to write about it.

we got back and i was panting like crazy. B. pointed out that i’ve complained that i can’t get my heart rate up high enough when biking. My heart was pounding mostly because of sheer terror.

i told him i’m a wimp. he said he thought i did great, considering it was my very first time. B. is a very sweet man, but i have to keep reminding myself of my actual failure as a person who is able to successfully do scary things.

i sat on the grass and realized it was very hot out. I encouraged him to go back and do some more, and he did. he wasn’t gone very long, and when he returned i asked him if he’d gone downhill as fast as he could. yeah, he said, mostly i did.

he used to do crazy stuff like dirt bike racing, when he was in his 30’s. so he’s all about the crazy downhill madness. i’m glad he enjoyed it. i’m really glad i was sitting on the ground without any bones sticking out of my body, without any blood pouring down my face.

after that, we kayaked on the lake, and it was the easiest thing in the world. as anything would be, anything at all, including digging ditches, climbing mountains (ON FOOT), swimming the ocean...

ok, not really swimming the ocean.

we then hiked around a bit, and that, too, was a walk in the park. so to speak.

we checked out the primitive campsites, which seemed pretty nice, except for no running water at all (i guess that’s why they call them primitive, except they did have water at the primitive site at lake sangchris), and we theoretically are going to return there tomorrow to do some camping.

of course, it continues to rain tonight, so we may have to abort those plans.

and what about the triathlon training, miss smith? i had to get up and go to the raptor center this morning, no time to exercise, and later i was too tired. even though i have no plan for tomorrow, don’t know if i’ll be camping or doing something strictly inside, but i do need to think about getting up and runbikeswimming.

but actually, come to think of it, since i survived a mile and a half of mountain biking, i can do anything. bring on the swimbikerun, all it will be is exhausting, there will be no perilous uphills, no terrifying downhills.

piece of cake.

ok then,

grace who should have been asleep twenty three minutes ago.

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ok, just a couple more. [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 6:13 pm
it continues to rain, so here are the photos from the raptor center in decatur, where they have injured birds. they take them around to schools and stuff to educate people about birds. very, very interesting, and the people were quite knowledgeable as well as interesting. Chris Young from the State Journal Register organized the expedition, and he’s a very nice guy, and clearly knows and cares a lot about nature. mom and dad have a beautiful book of some of his photographs called “close to home.”

this first picture is the horned owl named Spud. a most excellent name for an owl, don’t you think?



this is a short-eared owl. they used to be prevalent when the settlers arrived, but now they’re mighty scarce because of farms and parking lots and all of the encroaching people.



here is a peregrine falcon. when they dive, they can fly up to 200 miles an hour, the fastest birds on the planet. 80% of them die before they reach a year old, though, because they have difficulty judging the distance when swooping down to reach their prey. you can see how this might be tricky, swooping at 200 mph and trying not to crash. i personally wouldn’t want to try it. the falcon can bite a duck’s head off in one bite. if you happen to get close to one of these guys sometime, i wouldn’t suggest getting your finger anywhere near its face. just a suggestion.



this is a young bald eagle.

and this is an action photo of him:



here are some white doves, which they rent out for weddings and funerals. i’m not entirely sure if they’re doves or white pigeons. but B. (Buck) says that doves are a type of pigeon, but i’m not sure if he was making that up. but since he was a boy scout, he seems to know a lot about the nature and the birds and the animals and all of that.



at the end of our journey, we sat next to a hummingbird feeder, waiting for the hummingbirds. we had to be patient, but we weren’t, so instead i decided to take a photo of mom taking a photo of B. (Burt).



that’s really all for now. i hope your fourth is/was festive and full of fireworks, or at least sparklers.

ok then,

grace continuing to bask in the summerness of summertime.

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more photos on the fourth [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 5:45 pm
here are more photos from st. louis. we stayed at the adam’s mark hotel, and this was the view from our room:



we walked down to the arch, and they were setting up a lot of stuff for some big fourth of july thing (i wonder if it’s raining there, too?). we particularly liked this sign. hmm, i hope you can read it. it says “emergency personnel access only.”



after the game, B. took a nice photo of the arch:



here’s a photo i took of dad, who is usually very busy working around the yard. finally he relaxed for a moment, with his two giant kitties, fourlane and GK.



This is from our motorcycle trip to Hannibal MO. i wish i had a photo of me actually ON the bike, to prove that i really did it, but i know some people don’t think it’s such a big deal. my sister was very very concerned about me being on a motorcycle, but a friend told me that he’s been riding motorcycles since he was eight years old, and by the time he was 11, he had three of them. it’s all a matter of perspective, isn’t it? just like many things in life.



finally, here are more scenes from shooting the commercial for the state fair. this is my favorite. my friend kurt was quite enamored of the big pink wig he bought for me to wear. after he bought it, he kept calling me to say that he was wearing it as he sat outside grilling. kurt lives in a very white bread kind of westside subdivion where the people probably think he’s from mars.

which he might be. a good thing.



here’s my friend tim, ostensibly directing the commercial, but actually just trying to put porkchops on a stick. rick was very patient as he sat there for a long time, waiting to start the actual shooting.



don and linda also had to sit around for quite a while. most of us ate cheeseburgers to pass the time.



this is my favorite photo. rick unsbee, pat anderson and kurt are fixing up the butter cow. kurt got a pinata and slathered it with frosting, but before we shot, lots of extra frosting was needed.



theoretically i’m going to put the actual commercial up here soon. maybe later this week. it looks like a lot of fun, doesn’t it, especially considering that i got paid to do it? i wouldn’t mind being in commercials all the time.

this morning we went to the raptor center and got to see some cool birds up close, and i took a whole bunch of photos, but if i keep doing this, i’ll miss all the fireworks.

the theoretical fireworks, that is - it continues to rain, which is good for the crops, because they’re very dry, but bad for the fireworks.

ok then,

grace in a celebratory mood but i really need to quit typing.

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freedom on the fourth! [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 5:03 pm
…and today, it’s freedom from any kind of schedule, except for getting up early this morning to go bird-watching, sort of. But it’s already almost five o’clock, and I can’t figure out where the day went. I’ve been looking around for it, but no sign anywhere.

I just re-read my last entry about the birthday festivities, and we didn’t do any of the stuff I wrote about – no badminton, no croquet, no board game Cranium. We did eat and drink and have fun anyway, thought. B. (Bradley) came over early and he, mom and I played the guitar, flute and keyboard, but I observed that as others arrived, they seemed to all drift out to the deck instead of staying inside to listen. The dogs seemed to like it, though – well, at least they were barking a lot.

After the eating and drinking and singing happy birthday and opening gifts and eating cake, somebody realized that my keyboard has a bunch of songs programmed into it, and they kept playing “la vida loca.” At the same time, you can play the keyboard, and one of the settings is called “DJ,” so when you hit a key, instead of a note, there’s a male voice that says stuff like “hey! Hey!” or “DJ!” or a sexy female who says “oh yeah.” Highly amusing, especially in combination with La Vida Loca.

Some people played the tambourine, others the maracas, the castanets, and everybody danced. Lots of energy, and not too many accidents. Afterwards, B. and Randy and I played a cutthroat game of Boggle – Randy was in the lead most of the time, but B. snuck up and beat him in the last round.

I have lots and lots of photos, and I’m going to put up as many as I can right now. First, you may recall that I went to a st. louis cardinals baseball game and got to sit in the FRONT ROW:



here’s an actual ball player signing an autograph. he’s probably a very very famous guy, although i don’t know who he is. he plays for the pittsburgh pirates, that much i know:



and here is Pujols, a very famous cardinals player. i know he’s famous because many fans were wearing “pujols” t-shirts.



more game photos:



ok, more in a minute...




Jul. 02, 2005

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late late late friday night... [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 12:34 am
and i’m NOT going to get up early tomorrow, because it’s much cooler, and i’m sure that whatever time i roll out of bed, it will be plenty cool enough for all the exercise, plus the making of the cake for a birthday celebration - my brother-in-law jim’s b'day was a couple of weeks ago, and randy’s b'day was thursday, and so we’re celebrating both together. the festivities promise to include badminton and croquet, i just found this out, and i’m very excited because i’m kind of not so bad at BOTH of these sports. wait, if we just include one more thing - frisbee, perhaps - we could make it a very grace-friendly triathlon! and then we can just say, screw the swimbikerun altogether!

i like badminton a lot because instead of a ball it’s just a lightweight...what is it? that birdie thing...a shuttlecock? perhaps i’m just making that up. anyway, there’s no danger of getting hurt in badminton, unless i trip over my own feet, which is of course always a possibility. we’re also going to play the board game cranium, which is quite a lot of fun, i highly recommend it as a highly fun game.

here’s a funny thing somebody sent me about a friend of his who did the Most Serious Of All Triathlon, the Ironman, in Hawaii: “a friend of mine did the Ironman Hawaii Triathlon and told me that, after swimming 2 miles or whatever ridiculous distance it is in the ocean, he biked in 100 degree heat on asphalt, beside lava fields, and at around 100 miles he was seriously hoping and praying to hit a rock, get hit by another bike or car, fade into unconsciousness, whatever–any means to get out of his torture without actually quitting. (He did eventually finish.)”

this makes me feel good, knowing that Very Serious Hardcore Athletes also struggle with the sheer ridiculousness of being in something like a triathlon anyway.

muni tonight - it was wonderful. ironic, though - if you read about my trip to st. louis a couple of nights ago, you might recall that i was ACTUALLY IN HELL on the bus to and from the concert because the air conditioning wasn’t working and there were lots of people and my personal space was way invaded and it WAS hell, i promise.

so tonight, the weather got cooler and cooler - and suddenly i was FREEZING. but it was ok, because the show was so darn good. everybody was great. somebody said there are sixty one people in it, which sure is a whole lot of people. just moving them about on the stage would take a great deal of planning and effort.

I’ve never seen Ragtime, and it was a delightful surprise. Mary Jo Curry had the lead female part, and although sometimes i wish i was her, i don’t really want to be her, but i just want her voice. even just for one day, or one performance, i can’t even imagine what it would be like to open your mouth and have all that beautiful glorious music come tumbling out. i’m not entirely clear why she’s not on Broadway, but on the other hand, it would be nice to know you could waltz into any audition around here and get the part without even trying, and then of course she gets to sing all the splendid stuff in the actual performances.

the last time i saw her was last fall in “sunday in the park with george,” and i liked this play much better. i noticed that she wore some very high-heeled old-fashioned looking white boots in Sunday in the P with G, and she had them on again in this play. she’s going to be in “jekyll and hyde” in the fall, and i wonder if she’ll wear them again, or maybe she’ll dye them black. I don’t know anything about J&H, except i suspect it will be a very dark kind of musical, so that’s why maybe the boots will have to be painted.

here’s something i observed at the muni tonight, something i have never witnessed before in my whole life - there was a MUCH longer line for the men’s bathroom than the women’s. i can’t imagine how this happened. they had some porta potties set up outside for the women, in addition to the regular bathroom, but it still doesn’t explain the ridiculously long line for the men’s room. maybe women have just gotten smarter and faster after all these decades of waiting and waiting in line. i keep reading that if women didn’t spend so much time in front of the mirror, putting on makeup, doing our hair, all that other crap we have to do each and every day, we could take over the world, or at least have a bigger influence and make it a better place. instead of frittering away our time applying various products to our hair.

but i think that the amount of time we have to wait in line for the bathroom is even worse, i know that i, personally, have spent about four years of my life in line at bathrooms.

how did we get on this topic anyway? i saw my friend JL a the play tonight and we were talking about the lines to the bathrooms, and i told him that my only problem with going to europe is that i had a horrible time even finding a bathroom when i was there, and that next time, i’m not going to drink anything at all the whole time. he pointed out the very good and cheap wine they have in france, though, and i agreed with him, so i don’t know how to solve the issue. not that i’m going to france any time soon, but i have been doing a great deal of thinking about travel and other things i want to do, and i’m starting to make plans, because i can’t just sit around hoping things will happen.

change is in the air, did i mention that? yep, all over the place. change is good.

one of my massage clients has started reading this and now he worries that i’m going to move away any day, and then he’ll be left without the massages. i keep assuring him that i’m not about to move out of town any time soon...or at least not tonight. but change, change is good. that’s one of those things they always tell you, anyway, and although i’m usually kicking and screaming my way through whatever change it is that comes my way, i usually do make it over to the other side.

tonight at the muni i saw at least four people who were in “the music man” with me at the muni, the first show i was in there, when i was 11 years old. and i saw some kids of people who were in it. and then i saw a few people who were in “a chorus line” at the theater centre about 20 years ago, and i thought that we could have at least a couple of reunions. except that i didn’t even talk to any of the people at all; it was mostly because i was too far away, but also because sometimes i try to avoid the talking with other human beings thing. not that’s there’s anything wrong with other human beings, but sometimes i’m just not feeling so sociable.

ok, i must sleep now,

grace glad that i have absolutely nothing in any way taxing planned for tomorrow except for swimming which isn’t really taxing as much as tiring and i can take TWO naps if i feel like it.


Jul. 01, 2005

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friday! [ General ] -  grace - grace@graceuncensored.com @ 12:45 pm
and why, oh why, isn’t my mood better, since it’s FRIDAY, and there’s nothing but relaxation ahead of me? well, for one thing, i have plenty of massages this afternoon, and i’m a little sluggish and surly for no good reason right now. i mean, it’s cooler and less humid today, but when i went running, not till 8:20, i felt like my legs were leaden and weren’t working quite right. one foot in front of the other, it’s not like it’s a hard thing to accomplish. i ran for 36 minutes, and i felt like i was going slower and slower and slower...

this weekend, a bevy of exercise. swimbikerunswimbikerunswimbikerun. only swimming when i have plenty of time for napping afterwards, though. will there be cots at the triathlon, so i can go to sleep right when it’s over? the triathlon is TWO SHORT WEEKS from tomorrow. oh boy. i mean, realistically, i know i can do it. i know i can. i keep telling myself that when i hit that water i will NOT FREAK OUT AND SWIM AS FAST AS I CAN. because that’s what i did at the little triathlon, and by the end of the swim i was ready to pass out and die. i’ve decided that i’m going to get in the water LAST, and i’m not going to try to compete with ANYBODY, i’m just going to swim like i always do, lumbering along in the water, trying not to swallow too much water. last night i talked to a guy who told me that he doesn’t have a good swimming technique, which is why he’d never try a triathlon, but a poor form certainly isn’t stopping me. from flunking swimming lessons to swimming a triathlon, surely that’s progress.

i find it very unlikely that i’m going to sleep outside tonight. for one thing, i don’t actually have a sleeping bag of my own. i guess i could borrow one from somebody, but that would involve calling people, and i’m in no mood for calling anybody at the moment.

ok, i must work work work right now. fireworks ahead! that’s a cheery thought. fireworks have always been one of my favorite things. when i lived in la, one of my favorite places to go was the hollywood bowl, which sometimes combined two of my best things - outdoor music and fireworks. the fireworks there were spectacular, and sitting in that outdoor theater listening to great music was incredible. that’s one thing i really miss about LA. there are more things about it i don’t miss, though, so i guess i’ll stay here in spfld. for a while longer.

and after all, we do have muni, and fireworks over the lake.

ok then,

grace struggling to force a mood change RIGHT NOW.

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